IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#countries #graduates #employment #factors #situation
I think that one of the most relevant factors is that the number of
people
 over 60 that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 already working is very high.
This
 is not just a decision from their mind, but
also
 some governments,
for example
 in Italy, are raising the retirement date because they have to pay all the debts. To equalize the economic system they raise the age of retirement for the old
people
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but do
this
 cause the increase of the unemployees because the industries have a maximum number of employees. Another reason is that more and more
people
 have graduated in theoretical subjects and they haven’t got some practical skills that are required in some jobs.
This
 problem is becoming more frequent because
people
 are
more lazy
Replace the words
lazier
show examples
 than some decades ago. Some scientists are studying why
this
 is happening, but we haven’t got results yet. I know some
people
 that are searching for a job after graduation, but they found places that are not linked with the subject that they have studied like waiters or something like that. I
also
 know
people
 that have found jobs in their study area, but in percentage,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think that
this
 kind of
people
 is just 30% in front of the 70% of the ones that found a job
that is
 not linked with their study travel. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 I want to say that it is important to have practical skills to live a good life and try to adapt yourself to the world of work
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because theoretical arguments are
also
 important, but more and more companies want
people
 with a complete formation, practical and theoretical.
Submitted by silyakar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: