IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that it is more important to have an enjoyable job than to earn a lot of money. Others disagree and think that a good salary leads to a better life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #job #money #salary #life
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In the past few decades, there has been a profound increase in many questioning whether their current
job
Use synonyms
 is satisfying enough. The aim for any
job
Use synonyms
 seeker is to find
work
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 which has a great
salary
Use synonyms
 and
satifaction
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
, but it is extremely rare to find
such
Linking Words
 jobs. On
one
Use synonyms
 side of the
spectrum
Add a comma
,spectrum
show examples
 there are
people
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 that argue that a good-paying
job
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 leads to a better
life
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.
However
Linking Words
, others, including myself believe that it is more essential to have
job
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 satisfaction as
one
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 stays in the line of
work
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 long-term.
To begin
Linking Words
, there is an argument to be made that
people
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 need money to buy things, especially at a young age,
hence
Linking Words
people
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 prefer high-paid
work
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. To exemplify, many
people
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 at the beginning of their
work
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-
life
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 require a good
salary
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 to pay for the house, car and
Correct your spelling
student loans
show examples
student-loans
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student loans
show examples
, etc.
However
Linking Words
, if an individual does not have a good income it is highly likely that they may struggle financially and can find themselves in more debts.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
, in
such
Linking Words
situations
Add a comma
,situations
show examples
 these
people
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 are more
likley
Correct your spelling
likely
 to suffer from depression in the future. Taking
this
Linking Words
 into consideration, it is not unreasonable to assume that
this
Linking Words
 is the reason many take high-paying jobs over a low-paying gratifying
job
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.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, despite the benefits of
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
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, there is
a growing evidence
Remove the article
growing evidence
a piece of growing evidence
a shred of growing evidence
show examples
 that suggests that if a position provides
job
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 satisfaction
then
Linking Words
one
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 can
also
Linking Words
 have a
life
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 outside of
work
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. To illustrate, a study by Oxford University found that twenty-five percentile of
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 population each year switch to self-employment or to a more feasible
job
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 to have a
life
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 which they can enjoy. The idea stems from the fact that choosing
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gratifying
work
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 does not limit
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
show examples
 family and social
life
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. What is more,
people
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 with gratifying jobs are more
likley
Correct your spelling
likely
 to be happy in the long term as they chose a career which they enjoy.
Hence
Linking Words
, if these points are taken into consideration,
then
Linking Words
 many
people
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 will consider changing their current occupation to a pleasant position. To conclude from the aforementioned discussion, while some are under the impression
that is
Linking Words
 justifiable to stay in the
job
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 that comes with a great
salary
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, others, including myself, strongly believe
the a
Choose an article
the
a
show examples
satifaction
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
 factor should
be consider
Change the verb form
be considered
show examples
 when choosing careers as
one
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 has to be in that line of
work
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 for a very long time.
Submitted by mehulsharma on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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