IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is inevitable that traditional cultures will be lost as technology develops. Technology and traditional cultures are incompatible. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view.

#cultures #technology
In
this
 era of modern ,
technology
people
 can access
first
 information due to
technology
. The traditional
culture
 which developed more than 100 year ago
people
 can easily forget that due to a lot of foreign
culture
 exposer over the internet.
Technology
 is developing faster than traditional
culture
 so traditional
culture
 and
technology
 are incompatible. On the one ,
hand
 traditional
culture
 is the identity of
people
 of a specific geographical area which is developed long before. For ,example how they meet with each other how they express their feeling is their
culture
 and they obey that.
This
culture
also
 developed by their surrounding geographical condition suppose to dress up of a
culture
 fully depend on the weather condition of that area. So traditional
culture
 is a part of a national origin and their identity it should not mess up with different
culture
.
On the other
hand
,
technology
 is now developed very
first
 it gives lots of benefits to
people
. It
also
 takes
people
 feeling from their cultural aesthetic and importance.
People
 are trying to
use
 more technological tools than their ancestor's traditional tools,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
show examples
 our ancestor
use
hand
 power tools to cook their meal and
use
hand
 spice grinder etc but modern
people
use
 the micro oven and electric grinder which destroy the traditional test and texture but only prepared the meal faster.
Finally
Add a comma
,Finally
show examples
people
 can't pass their day without modern
technology
 which is true but they show keep company with their traditional
culture
. There we need a good co-operation
although
 few traditional cultures we will lose over the time we should preserve that in our museum and digitally. In conclusion, to survive in
this
 modern era we must
use
 modern
technology
 and
need
Add the particle
toneed
show examples
 preserve our own
culture
 and express them by using
among
Change preposition
apply
show examples
modern
technology
.
Submitted by brownnovemberrain on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • inevitable
  • traditional cultures
  • technological development
  • modern society
  • incompatible
  • decline
  • traditional crafts
  • rituals
  • digital communication
  • preserve
  • promote
  • documentation
  • online archives
  • virtual museums
  • social media
  • coexist
  • integrates
  • digital storytelling
  • augmented reality
  • cultural tourism
  • perspective
What to do next:
Look at other essays: