IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Young people should spend more time on cultural activities than sports. How far do u agree with this. Give a relevant example.

#people #time #activities #sports
It is often said that youth of today should frequently consume their time in cultural activities rather than sport. Personally, I completely disagree with
this
 view, as now will be discussed. Young people
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 should participate more In
sports
, because
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 very advantageous from many aspects.
Firstly
, indulging in
sports
 could help in
maintenance
Add an article
the maintenance
show examples
 of
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 attractive figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the body. It would
also
 save us from many Health Diseases,
such
 as
heartstroke
Correct your spelling
heart stroke
heatstroke
,obesity and muscular pains etc.
Moreover
, playing
sports
 like shuttle,
Correct your spelling
football
show examples
foot ball
Correct your spelling
football
show examples
, cricket and many
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 make our joints more flexible and strong.
Secondly
, participating in
sports
 is beneficial spiritually too. As it refreshes our minds which in turn would build new ideas and could be more helpful to give our performance in an efficient n sophisticated way at workplace.
For instance
, playing shuttle early In the morning cheers up my mind, and
this
Lead
Correct your spelling
lead
show examples
 to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
great achievement as I was attributed as, “AN IRONIC LADY”
last
 year at my office. At
last
,
in addition
 to physical and spiritual benefits, Playing
sports
 could
also
 develop socialism. Which is the main necessity to survive
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days.
However
, Playing in a group would introduce
Correct pronoun usage
me to
show examples
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 many new friends.
Where as
Correct your spelling
Whereas
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 making team with colleagues could bond good relations in between and would rose to New skills and productivity at work field.
Therfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
,
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation should spend their quality of time more on
sports
 than cultural activities.
Submitted by Naaz on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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