IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time #health
It has become apparent in recent years that health problems among a number of
people
 have been caused by getting little or absence of physical activities during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
time
.
This
 is mainly because of a long commute and lack of free money for doing
sport
. There are a number of effective solutions
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 should be implemented to tackle the issue.
Current
Add an article
The current
show examples
 pace of life leads to shortage
opportunities
Change preposition
of opportunities
show examples
 to do
sport
.
Firstly
, it is evident that
people
 spend a long period of
time
 getting to the office and coming back home due to traffic congestion and overloaded public transport, especially in big cities. Not only does it frequently lead to insufficient free
time
, but
also
 it contributes to additional tiredness and infectious illnesses.
Secondly
, workers do not have enough free money for doing
sport
, because of the constant
raise
Correct your spelling
rise
show examples
 of prices for virtually all products and services. If
people
 try to make ends meet, they will less likely
visit
Fix the infinitive
to visit
show examples
 a gym or buy any sports equipment. There are at least two successful solutions to the problem of no exercise. One way to tackle
this
 is to improve transport chains and roads by the government. The more leisure
time
people
 will have, the more likely they spend it for exercise in order to boost overall health. Another method of dealing with the problem is corporate
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 pass, which should be paid by employers.
This
 measure would probably aid in saving employees’ money for other needs because the majority of expenses will be covered by employers. In conclusion, improving public transport and corporate
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 programs might be effective in resolving
shortage
Add an article
the shortage
show examples
 of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activities which may be a reason for health issues.
Submitted by mila.kniaz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
What to do next:
Look at other essays: