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Band 5.5

Computers and modems have made it possible for office workers to do much of their work from home instead of working in offices every day. Working from home should be encouraged as it is good for workers and employers. Do you agree or disagree?

#computers #modems #office #workers #work #home #offices #employers
Technological devices and internet connection have allowed the possibility for employees to
work
 from
house
Add an article
the house
show examples
instead
 of doing their duties from job places all days. Many
people
 believe that
this
practice
Correct your spelling
practise
show examples
 should be done because is a better solution for the workforce. I absolutely disagree with the
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
 that
smartworking
Correct your spelling
smart working
start working
 is the best solution for
people
.
Firstly
, working from home has bad consequences on
people
's health.
Secondly
, many restaurants and bars may suffer problems because of the absence of clients. Smart working might cause many troubles for
people
 well-being
in
Add the comma(s)
,in
show examples
 fact,
this
 practice leads to a reduction of movement and activities because to do
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
 from home not required to walk or to take
pubblic
Correct your spelling
public
 transports to arrive at
office
Add an article
the office
show examples
.
This
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These
show examples
 small actions are essentials to increase
people
's
lyfestile
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
 because allow a burn
of
Replace the word
off
show examples
 calories that can't be possible if employees
work
 from their living room. To
istance
Correct your spelling
instance
distance
, a scientific newspaper called Focus has
showed
Change the verb form
shown
show examples
 how during
this
 pandemic period when
people
 have worked from home the percentage of health issues like obesity and cardiovascular problems are increased dramatically. Another big impact of
this
 new way of
work
 will have food's shops, while in the past
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 businesses have many clients during the lunch break thanks to the nearness of offices and firms, because of
this
 new practice they have registered a big fall of their revenues with enormous consequences about the possibility to survive.
For example
, in
Italy
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,Italy
show examples
 the majority of workers
first
than
Replace the word
then
show examples
 enter
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
work
 have breakfast in local bars because they are cheap and with
a fast services
Correct the article-noun agreement
fast services
a fast service
show examples
 but due to the spreading of
Covid-19
Correct article usage
the Covid-19
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 pandemic and the following closing of workplaces many of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 shops had to close because of a fall of about 60% of total daily consumptions. To conclude,
smartworking
Correct your spelling
smart working
start working
 was the salvation for a large part of firms in the pandemic period because have let employees not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
stop their
work
,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
this
 solution must be eliminated because may create a lot of economic and health problems for the society.
Submitted by andreacorbelli30 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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