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Band 4.5

Some people think young people are not suitable for important positions in the government, while other people think it is a good idea for young people to take on these positions. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #positions #government #idea
Youth
 are the future of
country
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the country
show examples
. Because whole responsibility of that country
is totally depend
Change the verb form
totally depends
show examples
 on
next
 generation. So, every child should take
important
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an important
show examples
position
 in
government
 but some
people
 claim that
youngster
 are not suitable for
crucial
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the crucial
show examples
position
. My point is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
youngster
Add an article
the youngster
a youngster
show examples
 is a great person to take
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
position
 in
government
. Because they are well known about technology,
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
, internet etc. but old
people
 are not much
familier
Correct your spelling
familiar
 about technology.
To begin
 with,
important
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an important
show examples
position
 in
government
are
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is
show examples
 most in
Correct article usage
the politics
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politics
Replace the word
political
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 field like
chief
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the chief
a chief
show examples
minister
, health
minister
, prime
minister
 etc.
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 all these positions are filled by old
people
 because they don’t want to leave their
position
.
Although
, The
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 reason is as per their point of view youngsters are not able to do work in politics as well as they don’t have experience.
Furthermore
, some
youth
 are not ready
for
Change preposition
to
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do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
social work.
Secondly
,
youth
 have
a
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an
show examples
 additional knowledge about latest technology it helps to enhance the new way of thinking.
Moreover
,
youth
 are creative as well as up-to-date.
Furthermore
 young have a long period of time to contribute
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 nation. They have
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 abilities and additional knowledge because of that they have
first
 preference to elected. But due to insufficient capabilities to manage policies as finance or international affairs. If they have not
face
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faced
show examples
 many challenges
then
 problem
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 created for
people
.
Thirdly
,
For example
, now in the year 2021 cabinet
minister
 of tourism and environment for the
government
 of Maharashtra state is the
youngster
 Aditya Thakre . he is
brilliant
Correct article usage
a brilliant
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 as well as
smart
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a smart
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 politician. He has
new
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a new
show examples
 point of view to solve the tourism and environmental issues.
Also
 in covid 19
paendamic
Correct your spelling
pandemic
situation
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,situation
show examples
 he
work
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works
show examples
 very smartly.
Lastly
, in
short
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,short
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 I think
youngster
have
Add the particle
tohave
show examples
 face some problems because of lack of experience but they have positive power and advanced technical knowledge to solve problems smartly. And because of
generation
Correct article usage
the generation
show examples
gap
Add a comma
,gap
show examples
 old
people
 feel that they are not suitable for important positions. But they can do
very
Correct pronoun usage
it very
show examples
 easily.
Submitted by padmajakulkarni140 on

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Linking words for giving examples:

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  • to illustrate this
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  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Experience and wisdom
  • Fresh perspective
  • Innovative ideas
  • Contemporary issues
  • Energy levels
  • Adaptability
  • Emerging trends
  • Enthusiasm
  • Stability
  • Maintaining the status quo
  • Maturity and responsibility
  • Risk-taking
  • Far-reaching consequences
  • In touch with
  • Representative governance
  • Historical examples
  • Proven track record
  • Changing dynamics
  • Fresh leadership
  • Modern issues
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