IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that men and women are equal and so women should be able to do any job they want. Others feel that man and woman are not equal and therefore there are certai

#people #men #women #job #man #woman #certai
It is true that some countries around the world prohibit
woman
Add an article
a woman
show examples
 to
work
 in certain spheres and it is commonly asserted
women
 are not capable of doing some jobs. that I believe that
man
 and
woman
 are not equal. There are several reasons that justify why they are not equal when it comes to jobs.
First
 and most obviously, God created
women
 in
precious
Add an article
a precious
the precious
show examples
 way that we always have to protect and respect them all the time. Men always
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to protect specifically
women
 everywhere because we were nurtured and raised from our childhood that
women
 are very valuable to humankind.
Furthermore
,
women
 always deserve more respect than
man
 and it
is proves
Change the verb form
is proved
show examples
 that
woman
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not equal
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
man
.
Additionally
, it is difficult to be like
man
Add an article
a man
show examples
 to
women
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
work
 at the same job.
Man
 can
work
 whatever it is dirty, cold or hot.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
woman
 can
work
 at jobs but working is not for
woman
 and
man
 do not let
woman
work
 because they respect
woman
Add an article
a woman
the woman
show examples
.
For example
 in some countries
such
 as Dubai, Malaysia, Egypt
women
 are prohibited from working which not suitable for them because they usually prefer
Correct your spelling
working
show examples
woking
Correct your spelling
working
show examples
man
 over
woman
.
Finally
,
woman
Add an article
a woman
the woman
show examples
 should take
care
 of their
children
, do housework and
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
care
 for their husband.
Children
also
 need to protect and raise by their mother. Who take
care
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 if
women
 are at
work
, .
Change the punctuation
,
.
show examples
 she can not come home?
Moreover
 after
work
 because of their tiredness it could be difficult to take
care
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 husband and
children
.
woman
Add an article
a woman
the woman
show examples
 should do housework and keep it clean all the time for their family. To conclude, in today’s world both gander can
work
 at the same job but more importantly for
woman
Add an article
a woman
the woman
show examples
 than career
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
children
, husband and house. In my way of thinking it will be better if
women
 stay at home and take
care
both
Change preposition
of both
show examples
 of them.
Submitted by abu_muhammed02 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: