IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some countries today have passed laws against smoking tobacco in public buildings such as offices and restaurants, other countries have no intention of doing this. Consider the possible argument on both sides of this debate, and reach your own conclusion on which side your favor

#countries #laws #tobacco #buildings #offices #restaurants #intention #argument #debate #conclusion #side #favor
It is often said that smoking
cigarette
Fix the agreement mistake
cigarettes
show examples
 in
public
Add an article
a public
show examples
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 should be reduced.
However
, some countries allow citizens to
smoke
 in public.
This
 essay considers both sides of the discussion and give
concluding
Add an article
a concluding
show examples
 view. On the one hand, those who support smoking tobacco brings benefits for people. They point to evidence from research which tobacco reduce obesity and stress level. People are getting calm and release stress after using
cigarette
Fix the agreement mistake
cigarettes
show examples
 with their coworkers. Smoking is not
only
Add an article
the only
show examples
way
Correct article usage
a way
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
 stress it can
also
 help maintain weight.
Therefore
, some countries
not
Change the verb form
do not
did not
show examples
 forbid
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
smoke
Change preposition
of smoke
show examples
 in public places. To the supporters of the idea, these benefits are convincing.
However
, opponents of
this
 view that
this
 affect citizen’s health especially for younger children and pregnant woman. In these cases, tobacco has hazardous substances which could develop cancer for people who are around
smoke
 users.
Moreover
, employees are easily distracted from
Add an article
a job
the job
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 because of
smoking
Add an article
the smoking
a smoking
show examples
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
.
For example
, whenever I try to meet up with my boss, he is out of
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
 due to smoking which is struggling for those employees who do not
smoke
.
This
 argument
also
 appears to be quite powerful. Overall, I would tend to side with the countries where forbid public smoking. It would be
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 decision among all citizens for their health and well-being.
Submitted by alexstudyin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: