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Writing Samples
Band 5

The use of violence in music lyrics, video games and films seen by children is causing concern in many societies. What problems may be caused by this type of violent imagery, and what steps could be taken to lessen the impact on young people?

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In today's world,
due to
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 technology,
video
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games
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 are becoming an essential thing in a child's life. Many
parents
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 believe that
video
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games
Use synonyms
 can create a negative impact on their
children
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's lives,
while
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 other
parents
Use synonyms
 think that it might create some good sides. I will extend my opinion with reasons. Arguably the most serious problem is addiction,
video
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games
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 are designed to be addictive.
Children
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 with poor impulse control or who have a hard time fitting in are most vulnerable to game addiction.
This
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 may be because
video
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games
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 offer an easy way to fill the void created when real-world relationships are hard to form. A
further
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 serious impact is violence,
children
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 playing violent
video
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games
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 show decreased activity in areas of the brain dedicated to self-control and an increase in emotional arousal. Many console game ratings include detailed information about the contents of the game’s violence level, language, topics, etc. To counteract these dangers, it is important that
parents
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 don’t just focus on the individual child exhibiting
this
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. The best way to resolve
this
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 in most cases is to encourage
parents
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 to prevent their
children
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 from too much gaming.
This
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 approach
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 particularly started at an early age, will keep gaming safe and sensible for most young people. Another solution may be for
parents
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 to tell their
children
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 to not play violent
video
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games
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.
This
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 can help their
children
Use synonyms
 dramatically for less violent
video
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games
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 and focus more on useful
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
. In conclusion, the main problem seems to be addiction and gaming violence. The key solution would be to encourage
parents
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 to prevent their
children
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 from too much gaming.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Desensitize
  • Aggressive behavior
  • Antisocial behavior
  • Bullying
  • Stress-related disorders
  • Media literacy
  • Critical evaluation
  • Age-appropriate media
  • Regulations
  • Public awareness campaigns
  • Responsible media consumption
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