Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes, many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

As we know, many health issues
cause
Wrong verb form
are caused
show examples
excessive
Change preposition
by excessive
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usage of sugary
productions
Replace the word
products
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, and It relates to the high
sugar
content of
products
we use
daily
Change preposition
in daily
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life. I believe that increasing the price of
products
cannot reduce
sugar
consumption
.
Firstly
, supporters of
this
statement claim that the high price of sticky profits can prevent them from unhealthy usage. It means that they would avoid expensive additional
products
to reduce household
consumption
.
This
view leads to two choices, including either
to buy
Change the verb form
buying
show examples
big-budget unhealthy foods or cheaper healthy foodstuffs.
For instance
, a study has shown that parents reduce
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
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candies
to
Change preposition
for
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their children because of high-cost
products
containing
sugar
in Great Britain.
However
, it can be seen that
this
scheme is being implemented. It pushes people to extra
sugar
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
their food which is the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
many diseases.
On the other hand
, realizing the harm of
this
kind of usage
rather
Add a missing verb
is rather
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effective than enlarging
productions
Fix the agreement mistake
production
show examples
with
sugar
. There are several examples that even though many companies make high-priced
products
, there is no reduction in sugary
consumption
. Especially, in children purchasing
of
Change preposition
apply
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high-
sugar
content soft drinks and sweet candies is doubled in Australia.
According to
real situations, it can make a worse than ever. In conclusion,
however
, a high tax on
products
that consist of
sugar
components may be considered one of the good plans to force excessive candy
consumption
. I firmly believe that giving more information about
using
Rephrase
how using
show examples
candied profits affects our health system is probably the best way to decrease unhealthy food choices.
Submitted by alexstudyin on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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