IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

High job demands, stress and sense of commitment are among the main reasons people go to work when they are ill. This way they accomplish important tasks, but may infect others or get some serious health problems themselves. In your opinion should people go to work if they are sick? Support your point of view with relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#job #demands #stress #sense #commitment #people #work #tasks #health #support #point
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days Population increased
day
 by
day
 and high demands of jobs and easily available labours so pupils go
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the extra mile and negligent their health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
People
 have to do
do
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
extra effort to remain in
this
humar
Correct your spelling
human
humour
 race so despite they are ill, they go to the office and complete their tasks .
however
, some
people
 believe that infect others staff and
also
 create
serious
Add an article
a serious
show examples
 issue for themselves . I completely agree and in
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will support my opinion with examples.
Firstly
,
people
 should not go to
work
 if they are sick because they can't concentrate
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
work
 and take more time than
usually
Add a comma
,usually
show examples
 they need .
For example
, If you are not healthy they can't give their best and it will cause their a vital project
as well as
Add the comma(s)
, as well as company,
show examples
company
Add an article
a company
show examples
 face some serious financial problems. Employees
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
and
future
Fix the agreement mistake
futures
show examples
also
 hang in the balance so it is utterly important
do
Add the particle
to do
show examples
 your job when you completely fit. Another reason why I agree with employees should not go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
 when they are sick because they make
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 worse
also
 .
For instance
, they do not take proper rest and take
stress
Add an article
the stress
show examples
 of a job they harm themself more and it cause stern injury
also
 they take more medical leave and your hospital bills are increasing
day
 by
day
, So I STRONGLY BELIEVE THAT
THIS
 IS waste of money and energy WHAT IS MORE ,
people
 things worst for their family and themself
also
. IN CONCLUSION, even though
sense
Add an article
the sense
a sense
show examples
 of commitment is important for
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
 and we
also
 should
work
 hard, I believe health is more important than
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
 so we should prefer health
first
.
Submitted by shikhasejwal2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: