IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

many universities graduates cannot find a job in their chosen profession. what factors may have caused this situation and what in your opinion should be done about it?

The development of technology devices
such
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 as
computers
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 lead to an increase in the number of children makes use of it.
Although
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 there is an argument that spending most of the time on
computers
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 can pose a detrimental impact on
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the youngster
a youngster
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youngster
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youngsters
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, I strongly believe that it is beneficial and no harmful to
adolescent
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adolescents
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. I will thoroughly present my view in the following part.
First
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 of all, it is undeniable that the merits of
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computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 provide for
teenager
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teenagers
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 are really enormous. As a high-tech tool,
computers
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 can bring an ideal education atmosphere for
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the youngster
a youngster
show examples
youngster
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youngsters
show examples
.
For example
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,they easily do some research about some particular things which are still mysterious
Moreover
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, children can find more intriguing videos on youtube or any kind of entertainment website which help them expand their own knowledge horizon in
this
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 little world.
In addition
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, the variety of sources on the internet is
also
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 a useful weapon for them especially for those who are eager to explore the unknown on
this
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 planet. It is widely proved and accepted by both parents and teachers
On the other hand
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, the negative effect of
computers
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 is something unavoidable. Most
the
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children spend their time playing
computer
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 games or watching movies on the internet which lead to some bad consequences
such
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 as lose interest in the study and they can easily get disease-related optical problems.
Furthermore
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, they can
also
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 lose their interaction and connection with their family members, friends and some other close-knit relationships. Using the
computer
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 for many hours can
also
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 affect both physical and mental issues which cause some negative repercussions in a long run. In conclusion, there are always both sides to every problem in
this
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 world and using a
computer
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 is not an unacceptance.
However
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, from my view, I always believe that the merits of a
computer
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 outweigh its demerits.

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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