IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Each year, the crime rate increases, what are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

#year #crime #rate #increases #rise #activity
It is
undoubtably
Correct your spelling
undoubtedly
 true that
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
rate
 is growing at a much faster pace than before . It can be induced that many reasons are behind it and how it can be prevented.
To begin
 with, unemployment can be the foremost reason behind youngsters adapting
short cut
Correct your spelling
shortcut
show examples
 means of earning money.adolescents do not get respectable jobs and they bend towards doing illegal means .
Secondly
, poverty is
also
 one of the
culprit
Change to a plural noun
culprits
show examples
 behind rising perpetrators.
for example
,
poverty
Add an article
the poverty
show examples
rate
 increased in India
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 decade which ultimately led to
spike
Add an article
a spike
show examples
 in felonies.
In addition
 to it , with the advent of
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 and various games, children nowadays are busy
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing games promoting illegal means and conceits.
For example
, San Andreas is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 common game on play station 2 which indirectly teach teenagers crimes like theft and robbery.
On the other hand
, parents should play an important role in teaching children from
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 young age about moral duties and spend valuable time with them so that they don't feel isolated and get into
company
Add an article
the company
show examples
 of bad people.
Secondly
 , government and officials should take proper measures to control
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
rate
 by providing employment schemes and establishing police stations in every area to check criminals. In summary , though there are many reasons for the spike in crime
rate
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
proper measures taken jointly by
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and parents can change the picture of
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
.
Submitted by hargobind.rehal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: