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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.

The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
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The charts give more information about showing of men and women
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 in 1975 and 1995 in some
catagories
Correct your spelling
categories
 of the Republic of Freedonia.
Firstly
Linking Words
,to start with
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 table.
This
Linking Words
 pointer is about
1975
Correct article usage
the 1975
show examples
 index. We can see that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
maximum
Add an article
the maximum
show examples
 showing was
infroduced
Correct your spelling
introduced
 with almost 850 employees in men in
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
(non-
defence
Use synonyms
).
In contrast
Linking Words
,
minimum
Correct article usage
the minimum
show examples
statiatic
Correct your spelling
statistic
statistics
 was appreciated with almost 30
workers
Use synonyms
 in
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
(
defence
Use synonyms
)
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
a woman
the woman
show examples
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
.Generally,
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
 index in
Add an article
a woman
show examples
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
 is equal
approximately
Change preposition
to approximately
show examples
 630.A small number of man
workers
Use synonyms
 is equal
almost
Change preposition
to almost
show examples
 210 in
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
(defend)
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
 chart is about 1995 showing.Most of all
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 estimated almost 850 male
workers
Use synonyms
 in
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
(
non
Add a hyphen
non-defence
show examples
defence
Use synonyms
),
in addition
Linking Words
,at least showing
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 approximately 101 woman
workers
Use synonyms
 in public
sector
Use synonyms
defence
Use synonyms
. The
stafistic
Correct your spelling
statistic
statistics
 of Manufacturing and communication level each other
may be
Correct your spelling
maybe
show examples
 300 male and female
workers
Use synonyms
 respectively.
To sum up
Linking Words
,both 1975 and 1995 year high rate belonged to
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
 (without
defence
Use synonyms
 ).On top of that at least
number
Correct article usage
a number
show examples
 was illustrated in
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
sector
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
 the showing
waa
Correct your spelling
was
show examples
 better in 1995 than
1975
Change preposition
in 1975
show examples
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words sector, workers, defence with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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