Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

#people #video #games #fun #tool #videos #effect

Children often fill their leisure time to play

games

, either traditional

games

or technology-based

games

. Is it true that kids having

opportunity

Correct article usage

the opportunity

show examples

to access high-tech

game

devices will get a multitude of benefits? Some

people

claim that computerized

games

might

detrimental

Add a missing verb

be detrimental

show examples

for young age groups. I personally believe that the negative impacts of electronic

games

outweigh the positive effects for the following reasons.

First

of all,

game

observers might say that educational

games

will benefits children mental

health

because it provides kids to have additional learning tools.

However

, psychology experts consider that elementary

school

students who have accessed to a Play Station and used more than

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

half of their day to enjoy the

games

are tend

Change the verb form

tend

show examples

to have a myriad of issues regarding their mental

health

In other words

, the Xbox is very deleterious for young

people

psychological development.

For instance

, when a 7 years old prefer to connect with

online

Add an article

the online

show examples

game

after his class over, they will only focus to their gadget screen and do not deem to be aware what other

people

do in

surrounding

Add an article

the surrounding

show examples

This

kind of activity might absorb their energy so much.

As a result

, they experience

exhausted

Replace the word

exhaustion

show examples

, depression or anxiety, particularly if they stop their playoff before they win the competition. Another point to consider is students under 15 years old are do not

influenced

Change the verb form

influence

show examples

by any kind of

games

application.

However

, the more youngster

enjoy

Change the verb form

enjoys

show examples

their match while playing

Correct the article-noun agreement

games

a game

show examples

games

, the greater their desire to access it and ignore to do their homework.

This

is because they feel no longer attach

Change preposition

show examples

school

stuffs

Change the wording

stuff

kinds of stuff

pieces of stuff

show examples

as their

game

tools are more attractive compared to books and academic lessons.

Moreover

, not many parents are

concious

Correct your spelling

conscious

with

Change preposition

show examples

this

current situation.

Therefore

, when their daughter or son

come

Change the verb form

comes

show examples

home from

school

, they assume that their juvenile will

strightly

Correct your spelling

slightly

straightly

go to their study room to conduct the

school

works. Meanwhile, what young generation need is

entertaintment

Correct your spelling

entertainment

to get relax after the busy schedule and boring learning system. In conclusion,

although

many

people

believe that

games

may have positive impacts

Change preposition

show examples

children mental

health

and do not have any influence

Change preposition

show examples

their

education

Replace the word

educational

show examples

performance, I still consider that the drawbacks outweigh

benefits

Correct article usage

the benefits

show examples

as the technology-based

games

disturb kids mental

health

and interfere

their

Change preposition

with their

show examples

focus

Change preposition

show examples

schooling process.

Submitted by andro.kartikasari on Tue Jul 20 2021

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

380 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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