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Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

#people #video #games #fun #tool #videos #effect
Children often fill their leisure time to play, either traditional sport or technology-based business. Is it true that kids having the opportunity to access high-tech game devices will get a multitude of benefits? Some
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 claim that computerized
games
 might be detrimental for young age groups. I personally believe that the negative impacts of electronic
games
 outweigh the positive effects for the following reasons.
First
 of all, psychology experts consider that elementary
school
 students who have accessed to a Play Station and used more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of their day to play are tend to have a myriad of issues regarding their mental health.
In other words
, the Xbox is very deleterious for young people psychological development.
For instance
, when a 7 years old prefer to connect with
online
Add an article
the online
show examples
 game after his class over, they will only focus to their gadget screen and do not deem to be aware what other people do in
surrounding
Add an article
the surrounding
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.
This
 kind of activity might absorb their energy so much.
As a result
, they experience
exhausted
Replace the word
exhaustion
show examples
, depression or anxiety, particularly if they stop to detach
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their computer before they win the competition. Another point to consider is the more youngster enjoy their match while playing
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
games
a game
show examples
games
, the greater their desire to access it and ignore to do their homework.
This
 is because they feel no longer attach
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
school
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
 as their game tools are more attractive comparing to books and academic lessons.
Moreover
, not many parents
Correct your spelling
conscious
concious
Add a missing verb
are concious
show examples
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 current situation.
Therefore
, when their daughter or son
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
 home from
school
, they assume that their juvenile will
strightly
Correct your spelling
slightly
straightly
 go to their study room to conduct the
school
 works. Meanwhile, what
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
 is
entertaintment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 and relaxation after the busy schedule and a boring learning system. In conclusion,
although
 many
society
Change to a plural noun
societies
show examples
believe
Change the verb form
believes
show examples
 that
games
 have positive impacts
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 children
mental-health
Correct your spelling
mental health
show examples
 and do not have any influence
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 performance, I still consider that the drawbacks outweigh
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 as the technology-based
games
 disturb kids mental well-being and interfere
their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
 focus
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 schooling process.
Submitted by andro.kartikasari on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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