IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small and local businesses are unable to compete.Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#development #expansion #supermarkets #countries #businesses #people #closure #business #death #communities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Globalisation and industrialisation brought
a
Change the article
an
show examples
immense change in
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 like
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 expansion. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is the existence of local communities. According to my point of ,
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
 it's not totally disappearing of locals market but
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 are affecting somehow the local shops.
First
Linking Words
 of all,
people
Use synonyms
 are having lack of time because of their tight schedule so they gave much preference to buy anything from
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 rather than any local shop.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 lure their customers by giving a lot of
scheme
Fix the agreement mistake
schemes
show examples
 like buy one ,get one or a lot more so public run behind desperately these kinds of schemes.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 are combined
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 a lot of other services like cinema,food courts and playroom
consequently
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 is a great beneficial part of any business when
people
Use synonyms
 can not stop them to go and buy another beyond benefits. In local ,businesses
people
Use synonyms
 have a limited stock not having varieties as
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 are having so
that is
Linking Words
 another reason when
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 are running great rather than local businesses. In conclusion, overall it can be observed that
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 are the
first
Linking Words
 priority in
people
Use synonyms
's choice but it doesn't mean that local communities are dying. It can say that they are
danger
Replace the word
dangerous
show examples
 but not existent.
Submitted by khushirandhawa147 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: