IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays, many
people
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 tend not to spend
time
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 on recreational activities or taking up new
hobbies
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. There could be some reasons for
this
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 issue and it seems to me that
this
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 can lead to some negative consequences on both individuals and society. One possible cause is that
people
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 might want to save
time
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 for working and other priorities. Obviously, many
people
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 seem to focus all their efforts and
time
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 on targets and career purposes which can bring them a future promotion and more rewards, increments or bonuses. They may think that if they spend
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of
time
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on
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apply
show examples
playing any games or sports,
this
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 will be
time
Use synonyms
-consuming, while they can spend it on earning money or doing housework
instead
Linking Words
. Another reason for
this
Linking Words
 problem is that many individuals fail to maintain
hobbies
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 for
such
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 a long
time
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.
For example
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,
although
Linking Words
 everyone admits and perceives the tremendous benefit of running, few ones can continue to exercise for a long
time
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. Many
hobbies
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 are taken up and
people
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 can repeat them regularly,
however
Linking Words
, they tend to quit or feel frustrated after some months due to losing their patience and interest. There might be some
potential
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potentially
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 detrimental effects on every single person and the whole community. A lack of
time
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 for
hobbies
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 will make
people
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 become more passive and sedentary, which later lead to
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
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lifestyle
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lifestyles
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 and some higher levels of cardiovascular diseases.
This
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 issue could
also
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 transmit bad social memes among young adolescents and children, which eventually make more
people
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 feel lacking
of
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in
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 enthusiasm about leisure activities
besides
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 working. In conclusion, the priority for work and inadequate patience to maintain have lessened
time
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 spent
for
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on
show examples
hobbies
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.
This
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 could lead to some potential risk for
people
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’s health and transmit bad habits to the whole society.

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The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Devote time
  • Hobbies
  • Nowadays
  • Busy
  • Fast-paced
  • Lifestyles
  • Work and career
  • Technology
  • Digital entertainment
  • Limited
  • Free time
  • Lack of motivation
  • Mental wellbeing
  • Physical wellbeing
  • Decreased
  • Social interactions
  • Creativity
  • Self-expression
  • Negative effects
  • Society
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