IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age.

#music #albums #people #britain #sex #age
The graph illustrates the percentage of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
intrested
Correct your spelling
interested
 in
pop
music
. The bar in the graph indicates the population of male, female and various
age
 groups, who purchase the
music
 albums in Britain. We can state that the male
populance
Correct your spelling
populace
 is more fond of listening to
pop
music
 than the female, as 28% of boys purchased the song cover in comparison of 18% of women.
However
, we can
also
 see that only 10% of individuals in Britain have the same taste in
music
. The
age
 range from 25-34 is more inclined towards
pop
music
 with 32% among the percentile who bought
pop
 melody, and it is followed by the
age
 bracket of 16-24 and 35-44 with 30% and 25% respectively. Whereas, the generation after the
age
 of 45+ is less likely to buy
pop
 song covers.
Thus
, we can make out that the ratio among ladies and the senior peer group of 45+ are least intrigued in the
pop
 culture and thereby they culminate in the minimum bracket to spend money over it.
Submitted by naman.gadhia on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: