IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

School should concentrate on teaching students the academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Subjects such as music and sports are not useful. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Some people believe that teaching academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 should be the principal
aproach
Correct your spelling
approach
 of schools to prepare
students
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 for better jobs in their future, while alternative
subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as music and
sports
Use synonyms
 are considered as wasting time. Personally, I think that both types of
subjects
Use synonyms
 could be practical, and I
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
 disagree with the statement that music and
sports
Use synonyms
 are not useful
subjects
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. On the one hand, alternative courses could sometimes be helpful for future careers.
For example
Linking Words
, learning how to sing or play a musical instrument could bring benefits for
students
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 in networking events or having job promotions. My cousin once told me about his experience when he got a promotion as a marketing manager for his talent and bravery because he volunteered to perform a show at his company event for clients. Another course that I find helpful and essential
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
sports
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 could bring benefits to
students
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 because they help them to improve their strength to work under pressure or they could expand their professional network by playing
sports
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 with their colleagues or partners.
On the other hand
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, schools should teach
students
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 academic
subjects
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 because they will help them to pursue their dreams
on
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in
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professional
Correct article usage
a professional
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area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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. If
students
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 want to be scientists or biologists, they need to have basic knowledge of academic
subjects
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such
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 as mathematics, geography, biology, which should be taught at school before enrolling in universities or going to work. In my case, it took me around one year to study basic knowledge of
Probality
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Probability
 and Mathematical Statistics at
highschool
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high school
show examples
 for pursuing my dream job as a
Maket
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Market
 Researcher at university. In conclusion, academic
subjects
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 are essential for
students
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, but
subjects
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such
Linking Words
 as music and
sports
Use synonyms
 could be equally practical and helpful for different circumstance

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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