We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. To what extent do you agree?

#world #technology #internet #terms #control #security #information

The society itself now is technology

engrosed

Correct your spelling

engrossed

also

technology has taken over the entire country.with these few points listed below, you will agree with me that our society needs more of

internet

Correct article usage

the internet

show examples

firstly

, with adequate

information

in the city on the

internet

it has reduced the

occurence

Correct your spelling

occurrence

of so many problems,

for example

with the incidence of covid 19 the

awaerness

Correct your spelling

awareness

was spread across the country through the

internet

, on the reduction of spread and prevention in the increase outbreaks,

also

better

information

brings about better knowledge of

control

Add an article

the control

show examples

of diseases.

secondly

, In the

precence

Correct your spelling

presence

of crime rate on going in the society, appropriate

annoncement

Correct your spelling

announcement

from the

internet

brings about the need for security measures and

approch

Correct your spelling

approach

to the reduction of crime,

moreover

, good advocacy can be done perfectly from the media,

Also

to an extent, there should be control of everything

that is

been brought out without proper investigations and many other more. In a nutshell, as much as there is a great influence in the advantage, you will strongly believe that the merit is more powerful than the

dismerit

Correct your spelling

demerit

therefore

the use of technology in terms of

internet

Add an article

the internet

show examples

gives

a better

Remove the article

better information

a piece of better information

show examples

information

about the prevention and spread, crime rate

are

Change the verb form

show examples

also

reduced and managed.

Moreover

, better

information

brings about better knowledge of

control

Add an article

the control

show examples

of diseases.

Submitted by ejiromillicent on Tue Jul 27 2021

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

217 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

global connectivity
digital banking
cybersecurity
data protection
security breaches
cyber attacks
online transactions
digital divide
surveillance
freedom of information
responsible usage
ethical considerations
digital footprints
online behavior
information inequality

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We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. To what extent do you agree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think an international car-free day is an effective way to reduce air pollution. Others think there are more effective ways to do this. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.