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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagrams below show the main reasons workers chose to work from home and the hours males and females worked at home for the year 2019. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the main reasons workers chose to work from home and the hours males and females worked at home for the year 2019. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #workers #work #home #hours #males #females #year #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart illustrates why employees decided to work from
home
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the table
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 information about the proportion of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
worked
Correct pronoun usage
who worked
show examples
 weekly from
home
Use synonyms
 in three duration (under 10
hours
Use synonyms
, 10 to 30
hours
Use synonyms
 and over 30
hours
Use synonyms
) in 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most significant incentive for working at
home
Use synonyms
 for both
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 saving money.
Women
Use synonyms
 asserted productivity as the least important factor, compared to easier childcare for
men
Use synonyms
. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
men
Add an article
the men
show examples
 worked remotely from
home
Use synonyms
 for over 30
hours
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the majority of
women
Use synonyms
 at most used
this
Linking Words
 option for under 10
hours
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
, most
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 preferred working from
home
Use synonyms
 to save money at 45% and 42%.
While
Linking Words
 26%
Use synonyms
women
Change preposition
of women
show examples
 chose to work from
home
Use synonyms
 because of their children, only 4% of
men
Use synonyms
 argued the same reason.
However
Linking Words
, 24% of
men
Use synonyms
 said that they could promote productivity by working from
home
Use synonyms
, compared to 11% of
women
Use synonyms
 with the same cause.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the proportion of
men
Use synonyms
 who worked under 10
hours
Use synonyms
 from
home
Use synonyms
 was 3%,
whereas
Linking Words
 74% of
women
Use synonyms
 had less than 10
hours
Use synonyms
work
Change preposition
of work
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 81%
Use synonyms
men
Change preposition
of men
show examples
 worked over 30
hours
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 percentage for
women
Use synonyms
 is less than
one tenth
Add a hyphen
one-tenth
show examples
 (at 6%). The category of 10 to 30
hours
Use synonyms
 was in the middle for
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 at 16% and 22%, respectively.
Submitted by golnoosh.omid on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words home, men, women, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • commute
  • flexible schedule
  • family responsibilities
  • gender roles
  • professional duties
  • societal trends
  • economic responsibility
  • home-working hours
  • traditional roles
  • male-dominated industries
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