IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that students should play more team sports, such as football and volleyball, rather than individual games like running and swimming do you agree with this statement?

#people #students #team #sports #football #volleyball #games
This
 is one of the debatable of today’s World “
Team
game
 versus Individual
game
”.
Bunch
Correct article usage
A bunch
show examples
 of personage claim that
Team
game
 is good,
Add the comma(s)
,However
show examples
However
Correct your spelling
however
show examples
 there are some who express disagreement to it and Support in another
view
 as Individual
game
 is great for success. In
this
 disquisition, I will explicate both
stance
Change to a plural noun
stances
show examples
 before presenting my consensus or
point
 of
view
. The crusaders of
Team
Correct article usage
the Team
show examples
game
 expressing their interest and support with valid grounds. The simplest explanation and best example I can think of is the
team
 is always beneficial to be collaborative together for success.
Additional
Add an article
An additional
show examples
point
 to highlight for the
team
game
 secret is sharing ideas and knowledge between each other to be
succeed
Replace the word
successful
show examples
.
This
 clearly indicates the viable reason to accept why they stand by
this
point
 of
view
 being a supporter. Looking at the other side, Partisans of Individual
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 have many reasons to show their prospectus. One of the main
reference
Change to a plural noun
references
show examples
 is that the individual
game
 always brings 100% success to an individual who puts in
most
Add an article
a most
the most
show examples
 effort which is not the same in
team
 sports. Here is an added supporting definition for
this
view
 that Individual
Sportsman
Fix the agreement mistake
sportsmen
show examples
 can be easily
famed
Correct your spelling
framed
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
team
 players. With these sample instance, It designates why people
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 Individual
game
 is discernible with its possible way of thoughts.
Hence
 it is very obvious from the
above discussed
Add a hyphen
above-discussed
show examples
point
 that both the views have their own clarification which creates altercations.
However
, I am
Inclined
Correct your spelling
inclined
show examples
 to agree with
Team
 sports and
spelled
Change the spelling
spelt
show examples
 out the causes of my support by
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
above referred
Add a hyphen
above-referred
show examples
 sections.
Submitted by sooryag03 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: