IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Most large companies nowadays operate multinationally. To what extent multinational companies have responsibility toward local communities in which they operate?

It is true that, in
this
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 era of globalisation, many big corporations operate outside the confines of national borders.
While
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 I agree that they should maximise their profits, I think that they should have social responsibilities where they are based. From a social perspective, big corporations should provide job opportunities for local people and ensure that workers and their families have adequate salaries and access to health and education services. The horrors of the industrial revolution must be avoided - child labour, starvation wages and unhealthy working conditions.
Moreover
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, it is
also
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the
Change preposition
in the
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 self-interest of companies to employ an educated and skilled workforce. Skilled workers are more productive and can be switched from one job to another to meet production requirements, as in the case of car assembly plants
such
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 as
Fords
Fix the agreement mistake
Ford
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 and Nissan. From an environmental perspective, production processes have caused serious environmental problems. The most important reason is that the irresponsible discharge of chemical wastes into the sea and rivers has resulted in water pollution. Aquatic life, including coral reefs, is sensitive to
such
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 irresponsible behaviours.
Therefore
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, multinational firms should increase investment in waste treatment systems to solve chemical
wastes
Fix the agreement mistake
waste
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instead
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 of discharging
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 into the rivers. Another reason is that
unstainable
Use the right word
unsustainable
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 logging of timber for construction has caused the depletion of natural resources and resultant soil erosion.
In addition
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, local people depend on these sources of energy for their survival, so multinational firms should
re-invest
Use the right word
reinvest
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 their corporate profits to curb pollution and guarantee the long-term prosperity of local communities. In conclusion,
although
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 earning profits is the most fundamental principle of companies, they should have a moral duty and a practical interest in improving the living standards in some areas where they conduct their businesses.

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structure
Make the main idea clear in each paragraph and use a strong sentence to link it to the next part.
language
Check grammar and spell. For example 'unstainable' should be 'unsustainable', and 'Fords' should be 'Ford' (or 'Ford and Nissan').
content
Give more proof or data to back each point, or use one strong example per paragraph.
coherence
Use linking words to connect ideas and keep sentences short so the flow stays smooth.
idea
The writer shares a clear view that firms should have social duty beyond profit.
content
Examples from real firms (Ford and Nissan) are used to back points.
organization
The essay splits into social and environmental ideas, giving a simple structure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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