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Writing Samples
Band 6

People are consuming more and more sugar-based drinks. Why? What can be done to reduce sugary drink consumption?

#people #drinks #drink #consumption
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There are phenomena among society about sugar-based
beverages
. We can see that sugary
drinks
 are addictive for many people and they are not capable to stop drinking them over and over. In
this
 essay, I will discuss causes society can be addicted to soft
drinks
 and solutions to decrease the drinking of those
beverages
. Chief among the causes of
this
 problem is the modern lifestyle.
This
 lifestyle is characterized by making
beverages
 with added sugar that are very tempting for the young generation and make it a trend. Especially for children and adolescents who
are easily attracted
Change the verb form
have easily attracted
show examples
them
Change preposition
to them
show examples
 because all soft
drinks
 ads are everywhere, easy to find in every convenience store and the flavour of
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
show examples
 are various and sweet.
However
, they do not conceive enough about its effects. To give a clear example, the risk of type 2 diabetes, heart disease, and other chronic diseases occur if we consuming more of those
beverages
. In order to reduce the drinking of soft
drinks
, I believe we must
first
 address its root causes. Perhaps the most effective method of doing
this
 would be to start with gaining awareness ourselves. Admittedly, we could not afford to
limited
Change the verb
limit
show examples
 the distribution of cola,
however
, we can increase the consumption of those
beverages
 by replacing them with a healthy juice or limiting the consumption of the
drinks
 to only once a month or even less. On
further
 measure would be to promote a healthier lifestyle in ads and encourage our relatives for more aware of healthiness. In reality,
this
 problem is unlikely to be resolved in short term.
Nevertheless
, we can keep going to have a healthy body and I believe most people will conceive about healthiness sooner.
Submitted by firdarasyi96 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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