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Writing Samples
Band 4

All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that school teaches children a skill but others think having a range of subjects is better for the children's future. Discuss both sides.

#parents #opportunities #children #people #school #skill #range #subjects #future
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In the midst of
this
Linking Words
 technology-driven global world, education and skills play an important role in deciding
progress
Correct article usage
the progress
show examples
 of children's
future
Use synonyms
. Each and every
parents
Change to a singular noun
parent
show examples
 wish to give their best for their children,not only
curriculam
Correct your spelling
curriculum
curricular
 activities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
Linking Words
 extracurricular activities. Admittedly, some people are thinking that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
minimum of one skill,children should get to learn from school ,
however
Linking Words
 , others have
opinion
Add an article
the opinion
an opinion
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 that for better
future
Use synonyms
 they should learn different verity of
subject
Add an article
the subject
a subject
show examples
. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views with their benefits. On the one hand, kids are going to school to learn new things for their better
future
Use synonyms
 by securing a good job. All
guardiance
Correct your spelling
guardians
guardian
 want their kids to get good schooling, for that, they are ready to
spent
Change the verb
spend
show examples
 even more money. Apparently ,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teaching only academic things won't help all the graduates to reach their
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
 and succeed in their life. So, they should get to know what
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 they have and in which field they are interested
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. Only teachers can help them to train their skills,in which they are interested
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
As a result
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 , they will just blow in
future
Use synonyms
 without any hurdles.
On the other hand
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,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
, it is always better to know
Add an article
the
show examples
huge verity of
subjects
Use synonyms
 from
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
 age,
tschool
Correct your spelling
school
 going pupil get more knowledge about various
subjects
Use synonyms
. At the same time, after the basics, students should get the freedom to choose the subject in which they want to study and make a
future
Use synonyms
.
otherwise
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 , it will be an additional burden for them to study unwanted or uninterested things,which will simply
screwed
Change the verb form
be screwed
screw
show examples
 up their time. To put it in a nutshell, I pen down saying that, if a kid
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a special skill ,
school
Add an article
the school
a school
show examples
 should support it and help to reach as top as they can.
Similarly
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 , having more range of
subjects
Use synonyms
also
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 help students to get to know more about each
Use synonyms
subjects
Change to a singular noun
subject
show examples
 and they can decide with which subject they should choose to achieve their goal
hence
Linking Words
 the can have a better
future
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by chinnucw on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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