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Band 5.5

Some people think that climate change could have a negative effect on business. Other people think that climate change could create more business opportunities. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #climate #change #effect #business #opportunities
The World has been
suffered
Wrong verb form
suffering
show examples
 from climate change for a long time. Significantly, numerous jobs have challenges to survive against
steadily
Change the word
steady
show examples
 changes in circumstances.
However
, new proficiencies were created in order to provide demands. The desires of the community have differentiated because of the dramatic increase in population and technological improvement.
Therefore
, a great amount of capital has been invested to ensure the needs of individuals.
For example
, new facilities were
settled
Verb problem
built
show examples
 to develop the capacity of production.
İn
Correct your spelling
In
 addition, chemical fertilizers were invented in order to
thrive
Verb problem
raise
show examples
 agricultural yields.
Moreover
, raw materials were used to manufacture goods
such
 as petroleum, iron, gold, and silver.
Consequently
, new occupations and business areas were created to sustain the process. As the benefits of the environment
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 overused, the world climate is in a big challenge. Just as materials are
over manufactured
Add a hyphen
over-manufactured
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 to provide unlimited
humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
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desire
Correct subject-verb agreement
desires
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, jobs are suffering to survive. To illustrate, on account of
overusing
Correct article usage
the overusing
show examples
 of crude oil, energy resources are estimated to finish into the next centuries.
İn
Correct your spelling
In
 addition, because of the overuse of chemical fertilizers for
purpose
Correct article usage
the purpose
show examples
 of ascending agricultural products myriad types of plants, and animals are under threat,
hence
 farming, fishing,
cultivating
Correct word choice
and cultivating
show examples
 are expecting to lose their capabilities. I consider despite the idea of losing existing jobs, new fields will be created to sustain the production process to provide for the needs of people. Especially, against the risk of losing crude materials, a new type of
sources
Fix the agreement mistake
source
show examples
 will be discovered
such
 as renewable energy.
For instance
, wind, water,
sunshine
Correct word choice
and sunshine
show examples
 will be used
instead
 of fossil
fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
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.
Secondly
, natural fertilizers
pesticides
Correct word choice
and pesticides
show examples
 will implement plants to improve
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
. Literally, new process types will bring new chances to build businesses.
İn
Correct your spelling
In
 conclusion, even if
differentiation
Correct article usage
the differentiation
show examples
 of climates has an influence on losing
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
, new investment fields will be necessary to sustain the system.
Submitted by evren on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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