IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. To what extend do you agree?

#countries #women #people #income #security #marriage
In the past centuries, marriages had been
consided
Correct your spelling
considered
 to ensure the financial stability of a woman. In recent days, these
treds
Correct your spelling
trends
trees
 become
absolete
Correct your spelling
obsolete
absolute
 and more women refuse to get into marriage
life
 as they
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their financial needs by their own income. I believe that,
however
, many other reasons might as well encourage marriage-free
life
attitue
Correct your spelling
attitude
 in young ladies. Many people think that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 women tend to refuse marriages while they are well educated and placed in a
higher level
Add a hyphen
higher-level
show examples
 position in their career.
For example
, a working lady, who is focused on her career
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 likely to refuse an alliance than
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a young lady without acquiring higher education and employment. A marriage which is mostly followed by
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
 establishment,
that is
 having children, becomes the major barrier to the achievement in a youngsters
life
,
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 for ladies. In order to secure their
work
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
life
, female employees step back and
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 ready to give importance to
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
 establishment. As most of the ladies acquire higher studies, unlike olden days, they pursue well-paid jobs. These processes take many years to accomplish and they grow
matured
Change the form of the verb
mature
show examples
in the
Correct your spelling
meantime
show examples
mean time
Correct your spelling
meantime
show examples
.
Therefore
, while taking decisions about tieing
nots
Correct your spelling
not
 with
Correct your spelling
someone
show examples
some one
Correct your spelling
someone
show examples
, they often get
opporunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 to refuse the proposal and parents might respect their stand, which may depend upon an individual. That explains that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 financial well-being is not the sole reason for the increased marriage refusal among employed and earning women. A lot of people reflect the thought that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 working
ladieds
Correct your spelling
ladies
 often refuse to establish family
life
 due to their self-esteem on managing money problems. In my opinion, being affluent do not solely contribute to the step-back from
wedding
Add an article
the wedding
a wedding
show examples
 and many possible reasons could be in
count
Add an article
the count
show examples
.
Finally
, making personal decisions should be
individual
Correct article usage
an individual
show examples
 choice
regarless
Correct your spelling
regardless
 of other factors.
Submitted by Manoj on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: