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In some countries in Europe, some children from the age of 11 or 13 go to schools to learn more practical skills that will help them get a job. Other children stay in schools which provide a more general academic education. What should schools do to prepare students for the world of work? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In recent years, there has been
Correct article usage
an increasingly
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increasingly
Change the adverb
increasing
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 emphasis on vocational courses in the
school
 curriculum in some European countries with the expressed purpose of providing some
pupils
 in the age bracket of 11-13 years old
more
Change preposition
with more
show examples
 practical skills that will help them to be more employable in the future. Other
children
 continue with the traditional route with general academic subjects as usual.
Although
this
 may seem a sensible idea to introduce
pupils
 to the adult working
life
, I believe that
children
 from the age of 11-13 years old are too vulnerable to be exposed to the harsh working environment and should stay in the
school
 until they commence high schools or higher educations. The
school
 plays an indispensable role in providing
backdrop
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a backdrop
show examples
 in
children
's
life
.
Children
 are provided with some ground rules
such
 as conventions and codes of
conducts
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conduct
show examples
, which they
then
 can follow themselves, hopefully leading to an absence of truancy and delinquency. Exposing them to the working
life
 will not only create a distance to the academic discipline but will
also
robe
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rob
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 their childhood from them. Revamping the
school
 curriculum in order to make
pupils
 more employable rises
another risks
Replace the adjective
another risk
other risks
show examples
. It is apparent that more often than not
pupils
 are left to their own devices to arrange their clinical internship. The most cogent argument is that the vast majority are set to do some low-level manual work because they are perceived as
Add an article
a worker
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worker
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workers
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 with no skills at all. In conclusion, I believe that
children
 should be kept in
the
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apply
show examples
school
 until they reach the adolescent stage of their
life
 and develop a more mature mindset. Prior to that
children
 should be allowed to enjoy their childhood.
Submitted by ab on

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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