IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #prison #citizens #teenagers #dangers #crime
Societies have been arguing in order to inform youths about the hazards of committing
crimes
.
Although
 some believe that the best way is
resort
Fix the infinitive
to resort
show examples
 to the experience of former prisoners, others consider that there are numerous ways to transmits information to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young individuals about the risk of the
crimes
. The main aim of the authorities is whether
creating
Change the verb form
to create
show examples
 sustainable societies without
crimes
 or minimum crime rates.
However
, myriads factors cannot be eliminated.
To begin
 with,
economic
Add an article
the economic
show examples
 situation of the families have
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
 impact on committing
crimes
.
For example
, Housewives have attended business life for the purpose of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contribute
Replace the word
contribution
show examples
 to the household income since
industrial
Add an article
the industrial
show examples
 revolution,
therefore
 their children grow alone and they have
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
show examples
 to be a part of the bad environment.
Moreover
,
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 status of the parents.
For instance
, illiterate and ignorant persons are not wholly capable to
differentiate
Replace the word
different
show examples
 acts.
Further
,
Add an article
the politic
show examples
politic
Replace the word
political
show examples
 position of the country has
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 influence
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the Youngers. Mainly, a part of the societies
consider
Change the verb form
considers
show examples
, given bad examples can be beneficial to teach hazards of the
crimes
. Especially, it is
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
 way, but it is not able to work by itself. To illustrate, the laws
informs
Change the verb form
inform
show examples
 us
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 type of the
crimes
 and potential punishment of the committing, but we have
experiencing
Change the verb form
experienced
show examples
 increasing crime rates almost all days. İn my opinion, there are one
ways
Change to a singular noun
way
show examples
 to create awareness of the hazards of the
crimes
.
This
 is thorough
education
.
For instance
, courses should be a part of
education
, because well-educated teenagers may eliminate
causes
Correct article usage
the causes
show examples
 of the
crimes
 committing. İn conclusion, there is
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
 catalyst between
education
 and crime rates. As we see,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of the criminals are existing in uneducated populations.
Submitted by evren on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prisoners
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • consequences
  • insights
  • deterrent
  • guidance
  • support
  • role models
  • positive change
What to do next:
Look at other essays: