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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#organisations #employees #dress #value #quality #work #appearance
Generally, we have two
point
Change to a plural noun
points
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 of view,
first
Correct article usage
the first
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 of these
that
Add a missing verb
is that
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dress
Correct article usage
the dress
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 code is highly important for workers,
second
 that it is irrelevant how employees look like because the main thing is how they can help to company become better and to get more profit. In my personal
believe
Replace the word
belief
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 that the positive
finance
Replace the word
financial
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 result is more significant than rules of appearance. Traditionally, banks, insurance companies, government companies and others like these have a strong public image and of
course
Add a comma
,course
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 it is essential
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because often employees from these organizations communicate with customers, colleagues from other big companies and they need
look
Fix the infinitive
to look
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 more confident and official.
For instance
, if it is about meeting with members of the board or foreign members and they have to decide important, complex issues, I think
this
 is a good idea
look
Fix the infinitive
to look
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 smart.
On the other hand
, if you work for
IT
Correct article usage
an IT
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 company or in
art
Correct article usage
the art
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 sphere or you are a freelancer the main thing is how you can do your work excellent and an official appearance does not matter.
For example
, if you are
designer
Correct article usage
a designer
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 or artist
conversely
 you need
be
Fix the infinitive
to be
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 fashionable and worthy of note. In my personal experience since I am a freelancer , I wear casual convenient clothes and it does not bother me
be
Fix the infinitive
to be
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 intelligent and orderly, but of
course
Add a comma
,course
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 if I have
business
Add an article
a business
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 meeting I will look official. In conclusion, that being smart is important for some professions and
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
 is a different environment.
However
, it is not main for all workers.
Submitted by red-sonya5 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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