IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. To what extent do you agree or disagree? #234

Over the past 50 years,
women
Use synonyms
 have succeeded in attaining positions comparable to those of men.
However
Linking Words
, many people argue that
this
Linking Words
 progress is still insufficient and that true
gender
Use synonyms
equality
Use synonyms
 has yet to be achieved. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 view because
patriarchial
Use the right word
patriarchal
show examples
 culture remains deeply rooted, and there is a lack of legal protections and policies. First and foremost, the realisation of
gender
Use synonyms
equality
Use synonyms
 is hindered by long-standing perceptions of
women
Use synonyms
 that have existed for centuries. The social system in many cultures places men in a superior position and
women
Use synonyms
 in a subordinate one, a hierarchy that remains strong today. To exemplify, many job vacancies list male applicants as the preferred, despite
women
Use synonyms
 having similar skills and levels of education.
As a result
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 often find it more difficult to secure employment.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, legal frameworks designed to safeguard
women
Use synonyms
's rights are frequently weak and poorly enforced. In many countries, laws exist on paper but are not implemented effectively, allowing perpetrators to escape punishment and discouraging victims from speaking out.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 remain vulnerable to violence, harassment, and discrimination across multiple areas, including workplaces and domestic settings.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Indonesia, 20% of female employees report experiencing workplace harassment without receiving justice
due to
Linking Words
 slow legal processes and a lack of support services.
This
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 indicates that genuine
gender
Use synonyms
equality
Use synonyms
 is far from being achieved. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 have made significant progress over the past five decades, genuine
gender
Use synonyms
equality
Use synonyms
 has yet to be achieved.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly
due to
Linking Words
 enduring
patriachial
Correct your spelling
patriarchal
 norms and inadequate legal protections, which require urgent action from both policymakers and society.

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task response
State your view clearly at the start and keep to it. Give simple reasons with evidence.
coherence
Use linking words to move ideas. Words like 'also', 'but', 'for example' help a reader see the flow.
structure
Have a clear plan: one intro, two body paragraphs, and a short conclusion.
examples
Add more examples or data to back your points. Numbers or facts help.
grammar
Check main spell and word use. Correct small mistakes like 'patriarchial' to 'patriarchal'.
content
A clear view on the topic is shown.
coherence
Good use of linking phrases to show a flow of ideas.
examples
A real example from Indonesia supports the claim.
structure
The essay has an intro and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • historical context
  • gender pay gap
  • underrepresentation
  • leadership roles
  • gender-based violence
  • educational opportunities
  • workforce
  • legal reforms
  • statistics
  • case studies
  • global perspective
  • progressive changes
  • cultural differences
  • empowerment
  • patriarchy
  • systemic discrimination
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