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Band 4

Nowadays plastic money replacements such as credit and debit cards are extremely popular, even more than banknotes and coins.

#plastic #money #replacements #credit #debit #cards #banknotes #coins
Nowadays
due to
 the advancement in technology, a plethora of banks
upgrade
Wrong verb form
have upgraded
show examples
 their services ,so
now
Rephrase
apply
show examples
they supplanted cash with plastic money
such
 as credit
cards
 and debit
cards
. some people believe that
this
 trend
thrives
Verb problem
has
show examples
 numerous disadvantages in society.In
this
 ,essay we will discuss the negative and positive consequences of
this
 potential. To commence with, the obvious advantage of
this
 proliferation is its convenience which obviates the hassle of carrying cash everywhere, which
led
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
 to less threat of theifs , resulting in we
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
transfer
ample
Change preposition
of ample
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of funds from home. To illustrate, nowadays employees have to travel interstate so they need to entail a considerable amount of cash for travel food and other amenities. In
such
 cases it is burdensome for someone to carry a huge amount.
hence
,
cards
 facilitate the online transactions of money. put simply it paves the way for online payments , albeit,
this
 upgrade is a time saver we don't have to wait in long queues
for paying
Change preposition
to pay
show examples
 home bills. on the flip side, there are some pitfalls that come with
this
 trend . The primary threat is cybersecurity and hacking .
For example
 , once the card is hacked the owner would suffer a great financial loss ,
although
 the personal information is accessible to them which can cause devastating effects. sometimes, people start impulsive online shopping
due to
 the availability of credit
cards
, which results in a change
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their habits ,
thus
 in the end when they have to pay enormous bills , they feel stress ,
depression
Correct word choice
and depression
show examples
 . To recapitulate, despite some drawbacks plastic money provides an abundance of advantages but we have to be extra careful during its usage.
Submitted by sandhusimran570 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure and coherence. Make sure to organize your ideas in a logical manner and use linking words to connect your sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
The essay partially addresses the task, but it could be more focused on discussing the advantages and disadvantages of using plastic money. Ensure that your response covers all aspects of the prompt and provides relevant examples to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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