IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

For many, shopping malls are great places to spend their leisure time and meet others. People, however, in the past mostly visited those when necessary. To what extent do you think this is a negative trend? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

In recent years,
people
Use synonyms
 have started visiting
malls
Use synonyms
 and stores more frequently to pass their time and have a rendezvous.
This
Linking Words
 was not the case decades ago when they only went to stores to purchase essentials. I believe
this
Linking Words
 is a negative trend as it encourages
people
Use synonyms
 to do prodigal spending. With the rise in the number of shopping
malls
Use synonyms
 and arcades,
people
Use synonyms
 find every fun activity in one place
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as cinemas, clubs, gaming arcades, and so on.
This
Linking Words
 gives birth to an increase in expenditure as individuals are expected to
do
Verb problem
incur
show examples
 more expenses in
such
Linking Words
 places.
For example
Linking Words
, if two friends meet each other after a long time in
such
Linking Words
 a place, they are
obvious
Correct word choice
likely
show examples
 to purchase meals from a restaurant or even watch a film in the movie theatre. Another negative aspect of
this
Linking Words
 practice is the rise in obesity
amongst
Change preposition
among
show examples
 humans. As it has become a trend to visit the
malls
Use synonyms
, a huge number of
people
Use synonyms
delve into adopting
Wrong verb form
have adopted
show examples
 unhealthy eating habits.
In other words
Linking Words
, they are more inclined towards eating junk food, causing them to gain weight.
For instance
Linking Words
, many shopping places now have fast-food chains like McDonald's and Domino's, which
people
Use synonyms
 prefer
eating
Wrong verb form
to eat
show examples
 from when they are shopping. In conclusion, it is true that, unlike the older days, shopping
malls
Use synonyms
 have become popular for
people
Use synonyms
 to spend leisure time at;
however
Linking Words
, it can be detrimental to an individual's pocket as doing
this
Linking Words
 forces
him
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to
make
Verb problem
incur
show examples
 more monetary expenses. If
this
Linking Words
 practice is excessively carried out, it may
also
Linking Words
 lead to dire consequences
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 getting obese.

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Task Response
Plan your answer with a clear view, then list 2 or 3 main points and end with a short finish.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make the writing flow better. Use simple link words and keep one idea per paragraph. Check grammar and tense.
Task Response
The essay shows a clear view that malls can lead to more money spent.
Coherence and Cohesion
Examples are used to show how eating at malls can affect health.
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