IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Directors and managers of organizations are often older people. Some people say that it is better for younger people to be leaders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#directors #managers #organizations #people #leaders
It is a common situation in companies most vital positions like CEO and managers has been taken by the
siner
Correct your spelling
singer
people
, some
people
 argue that if
this
 situation could change to the young
genneration
Correct your spelling
generation
 being
incharge
Correct your spelling
in charge
, it will lead the
company
 to have better
grow
Replace the word
growth
show examples
.
This
 essay
is totally agrees
Change the verb form
is totally agreed
show examples
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the
satment
Correct your spelling
statement
 and going to
explan
Correct your spelling
explain
 why. There are several factors to support my point of view.
First
 of all, I believe young
genneration
Correct your spelling
generation
 has bigger ambition and vision on they are career, it has
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for the
company
 future,
beause
Correct your spelling
because
 they are young and has lest afraid than the older
prople
Correct your spelling
people
. They will
insit
Correct your spelling
insist
 to
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 gold and nothing can stop them to achieve their aim and vision. If they had
given
Add a missing verb
been given
show examples
 the important position in the
company
, they would help the
company
 in
onther
Correct your spelling
other
 leave with their big ambition and vision.
Second
,
conversted
Correct your spelling
converted
 to the older
genneration
Correct your spelling
generation
 the young
people
 have more abilities to lead the organization better
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because most of the young
people
 they had the up-to-date knowledge they
tranied
Correct your spelling
trained
tried
 by the new education system.
Therefore
, they can
addapt
Correct your spelling
adapt
 and address
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
isseus
Correct your spelling
issues
 that comes up
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nowadays.
For instance
, they can use the internet to promote the organization
thus
 increase the value of the organization., which the older
genneration
Correct your spelling
generation
generations
 would not be able to do
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
.
Moreover
, compared to the
siner
Correct your spelling
singer
people
 the young
people
 have more energy which
mean
Change the verb form
means
show examples
 they are able to work longer and much
efficence
Correct your spelling
efficiency
 than the siner
people
. And
also
, as they are more dynamic
thus
 makes the business working atmosphere
greater
Add a missing verb
is greater
show examples
 than the older
people
 leading if they were given the leder or manager job. To sum up,
dute
Correct your spelling
due
 to the young
genneration
Correct your spelling
generation
 has bigger ambition, up-to-date education and better energy to lead the
company
torward
Correct your spelling
forward
toward
 to the better future, I believe that the young
people
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the best suit the vital position
such
 as leader and manager even the CEO.
Submitted by fankie.cecil on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: