IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

#offenders #crimes #first #punishment #measures
As many of those who served a prison before are likely to commit a crime and
sent
Add a missing verb
be sent
show examples
 back to jail once again.
this
 could be attributed
many
Change preposition
to many
show examples
 reasons and I would explain the causes in detail and would
also
 provide the possible solution to tackle
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 issues.
First
, the main factor that pushes the ex-prisoners to insist on living under crime shadow is the nature of
prison
Correct article usage
the prison
show examples
 they were held in at
first
 hand. meaning that jails
rarly
Correct your spelling
rarely
nearly
 give rehabilitation
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
 to
Add an article
the inmate
show examples
inmate
Fix the agreement mistake
inmates
show examples
 and they only
further
worsens
Change the verb form
worsen
show examples
 the behaviour of the individual as
police
Add an article
the police
show examples
 show no mercy to detainees.
in addition
,some prisons do not intervene the habitual violence erupts between the inmate which often leads a death and critical injuries and as
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
 of the combination of all
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
show examples
 factors, those who were sentenced at one time
also
 goes another time to the prison.
Secondly
,creating a good environment to capture criminals with
a lessons
Correct the article-noun agreement
lessons
a lesson
show examples
 of rehabilitation would be a good remedy to
Add an article
the above
an above
show examples
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
show examples
 dilemma. If governments introduce
a new laws
Correct the article-noun agreement
new laws
a new law
show examples
 on jails to ensure that they were treated properly.
Furthermore
,offering a paid job to newly released prisoners
also
 short a cut the possibility of
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
involve
Change the verb form
involves
show examples
 a crime in the future In conclusion, lack of rehabilitation training
as well as inappropriate dealing with prisoners coupled with prevailing unemployment
Add the comma(s)
, as well as inappropriate dealing with prisoners coupled with prevailing unemployment,
show examples
 are believed to be the major causes of why criminals continue to
fallow
Correct your spelling
follow
show examples
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 footsteps.
however
,the situation could be reserved by fixation of
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
show examples
 problems.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation programs
  • social stigma
  • ex-convicts
  • reintegration
  • support systems
  • mental health issues
  • addiction problems
  • criminal networks
  • incarceration
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