Throughout history, male leaders always lead us to violence and conflict. If a society is governed by female leaders, it will be more peaceful. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#history #leaders #violence #conflict #society

Reading

Correct article usage

apply

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples

history provides a unique learning experience for us and we can learn from

their

Correct pronoun usage

our

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples

mistakes because history repeats itself. People have different views about male and female

leaders

and most of them believe that male

leaders

have taken individuals into violence and conflict. I believe that it is an acceptable theory about them.

First

of all, from a scientific point of view,

women

’s

brain

Fix the agreement mistake

brains

It seems that brain may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples

can get a lot of data and organize them at the same time in

other word

Change the wording

another word

other words

The adjective other appears to be modifying the singular noun word. Consider making a change.

show examples

they are able to use their brain more effectively in compared with

men

even it works during the night when they fall in asleep so they are not unconscious ever. Due to the

fact

Add a comma

,fact

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase Due to the fact. Consider adding a comma.

show examples

women

have an analytical mind,

moreover

, according to historical

document

Fix the agreement mistake

documents

It seems that document may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples

women

have a natural talent to be more political and diplomat for doing their duties and tasks so they are more likely to consider all aspects of the issue to make a better decision with their mind and hurt and, in turn, they can predict others

step and it plays a crucial role in their life and success.

Secondly

Men

leaders

most of the time have been interested in expanding their countries and

boarders

Correct your spelling

borders

The word boarders doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples

because by creating too much violence and conflict they want to be a hero and

this

situation is compounded when they overlook people’s safety and security in search of their ambition

that is

men

leader’s goals and dreams override the importance of the general population ‘s destiny.

For example

, Hillary Clinton has been president of Germany since 15 years ago and during her age, Germany is changed to the economic

center

Change the spelling

centre

The spelling of center is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples

of Europe with a high standard of living. For

instant

Add an article

an instant

The noun phrase instant seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples

, all young people who live there can benefit from free education and get more job opportunities. Apart from that, the biggest highlighting factor about

this

country is that all of the rights between

men

and

women

are equal.

As a result

, it shows

women

’s power, ability, and skills.

Finally

, in some families in Iran which lose their father, for

instant

Add an article

an instant

The noun phrase instant seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples

, maybe family runs into financial issues but mothers support and manage their family and do not allow it to burst. It is a simple example on a small scale but we can involve it

Change preposition

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples

bigger

Correct article usage

a bigger

It seems that article use may be incorrect here.

show examples

scale as we know in the world we have numerous single

mother

Fix the agreement mistake

mothers

It seems that mother may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples

and most people think they are compelled to raise their child, but they have more sense of responsibility regard to their children and all the time try to provide them with the better situation and it requires too much effort and dedication. Based on all of the reasons I mentioned,

women

leaders

are more sensitive and concern about the young generation’s future because they are familiar with upbringing a child and its difficulties so they try to create a comfortable and safe circumstance for their citizens. Due to the reasons mentioned above, I believe that

Remove the article

apply

The indefinite article, a, may be redundant when used with the uncountable noun society in your sentence. Consider removing it.

show examples

society

Correct pronoun usage

that is

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples

governed by

women

more safe

Replace the words

safer

You have used the compound adjective more safe. Consider using the comparative form of this adjective.

show examples

and peacefully as they have an analytical mind and the sense of being a mother has a significant positive effect on managing the country

Submitted by devireddyammaiah on Thu Sep 02 2021

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Need a higher score on IELTS Writing?

Writing9 scans your text for all types of mistakes, from typos to sentence structure problems and beyond.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

Include an introduction and conclusion

Support main points with an explanation and then an example

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Vary your linking phrases using synonyms

Lexical resource: 4.0

Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms

Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Check your writing for errors

Task Achievement: 6.5

Answer all parts of the question

6.5

Present and fully explain ideas

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Word Count

Become Premium

Check as many essays as you want
Analyze highlighted mistakes
Use the built-in grammar checker
Discover your weaknesses
Get suggestions to get a higher score
Browse the history of checked essays
14-day money back guarantee

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
Some people believe that all children should have a pet or an animal to look after. Other people disagree, however, saying that this depends on a child’s circumstances. Consider these opposing views, and give your own opinion.
In many countries, the population is ageing consistently, and this presents the older people themselves with challenges as well as opportunities. It seems to me that retirement is not in fact the most contented period of life, and I will explain why in this essay.
6.5
band
While many people say that parents are the best teachers, others simply state that teachers and our own experience are our best teachers. Who do you think is our best teacher ? Who do you think is our best teacher? You should give reasons for your answer using your own ideas and experience
We are what we are because of the people in our life and the experiences we go through. There is a school of thought that, parents are our best teachers, but I would argue that, it is not just our parents we learn from, our teachers and our own personal experiences. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of the argument and put forth my views with supporting examples.
6
band
Some people believe that vertical city in people work and live in a tall building is a good idea. Others say that horizontal living is better. Discuss both views and express your opinion.
With the exponential increase in population, the layout of urban as well as suburban areas has been changing day by day. Resultantly, whereas some individuals claim that constructing establishments horizontally is a good theme, others contend that raising high-rise buildings are the best notion in this contemporary world. I, too, wholeheartedly feel that designing buildings vertically with all modern facilities helps a country accommodate a large number of citizens systematically.
4.5
band
Most young people without a partner would prefer to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Yet being in a relationship when you are young is not always a good idea. As part of a class project, write about whether you agree or disagree. Give reasons for your choices.
Single people opt for being with someone, at the same time it is not always the best to being in a relationship. I completely agree that it is not always advisable. one should focus on their study and how to build their life first rather than searching for partner.
7.5
band
Q: stress is now a major problem in many countries around the world. What are some of the factors in modern society that cause this stress,and how can we reduce it?
Stress is one of the most prevalent issues faced by the entire world. There are numerous factors responsible for the same and to eliminate this trouble, various measures can be taken which I will elaborate on in the subsequent paragraphs.

Type your essay and get a band score instantly

After you write your essay, you will be provided with tips with examples of how to make your essay better in order to get a score above 7.

Throughout history, male leaders always lead us to violence and conflict. If a society is governed by female leaders, it will be more peaceful. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people believe that all children should have a pet or an animal to look after. Other people disagree, however, saying that this depends on a child’s circumstances. Consider these opposing views, and give your own opinion.

While many people say that parents are the best teachers, others simply state that teachers and our own experience are our best teachers. Who do you think is our best teacher ? Who do you think is our best teacher? You should give reasons for your answer using your own ideas and experience

Some people believe that vertical city in people work and live in a tall building is a good idea. Others say that horizontal living is better. Discuss both views and express your opinion.

Most young people without a partner would prefer to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Yet being in a relationship when you are young is not always a good idea. As part of a class project, write about whether you agree or disagree. Give reasons for your choices.

Q: stress is now a major problem in many countries around the world. What are some of the factors in modern society that cause this stress,and how can we reduce it?