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Writing Samples
Band 5

The consumption of the world’s resources (oil, and water etc) is increasing at a dangerous rate. What are the causes and solutions?

#consumption #world’s #resources #oil #water #rate
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Recently, the excessive consumption of the
world
’s
resources
such
 as oil, freshwater or mineral deposits is having a negative influence on all living things on earth.
This
 essay will clarify the causes and solutions of
this
 phenomenon. There are several reasons that lead to the
world
’s
resources
Fix the agreement mistake
resource
show examples
 depletion. First of all, many
resources
 are used to cover human’s basic needs. The
world
’s population is witnessing a dramatic rise so that the use of the
world
's
resources
 will be fully exploited to meet mankind's
demand
Fix the agreement mistake
demands
show examples
.
For instance
, many developing countries are speeding up the building of houses and skyscrapers to serve people’s living and working so that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vacant land in the future will no longer exist. Second of all, people’s poor awareness
also
 contributes to the exhaustion of natural
resources
.
For example
, many people are illegally logging in large quantities to make money and with
this
 fast pace of cutting trees, the
world
 with countless species of trees in the past will become the
world
 with no green. Some solutions can be taken to deal with
this
 phenomenon.
Firstly
, the government should create and develop man-made
resources
.
Due to
 the development of modern technologies, many countries can create man-made
resources
 so that when natural
resources
 are overexploited mankind can have backup
resources
.
Secondly
, the government should raise people’s awareness about the importance of natural
resources
. They can add
this
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the school curriculum so that children can know about the influence of the
world
's
resources
 on humankind.
Due to
Change preposition
In
show examples
this
 way, the young generation - the future leaders - can know how to use natural
resources
 reasonably. In conclusion, there are many reasons that lead to the overconsumption of
resources
 and
this
 phenomenon can be solved by the aforementioned methods.
Submitted by lekhanhhoa1208 on

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task response
Ensure that all parts of the essay directly relate to the task question, and make sure that a clear position is presented and maintained throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more explicit and provide a clearer indication of what the essay will cover. Work on using more cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs more clearly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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