Some parents are worried bout the increasing level if violence on TV, video games and other types of entertainment for children’s leisure. How does this affect children? How do you think problem can be tackled?

#parents #bout #level #violence #tv #video #games #entertainment #children’s #leisure #affect #children

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It is true that some

parents

are panic about

video

games

,Tv and other types of entertainment in

children

free time.In my opinion,the repercussions of

this

issue will lead to low concentration in a child's academics and lack of social bonding whereas there are some measures that can be adopted to deter

this

problem. The optimistic impact of media and

video

games

as being entertainment for

children

is low academic focus and less social bonding.Regarding the former impact,watching

video

games

and other media free-time activities will affect the child's education while concentrating on their studies.

For example

,a student mind will remain thinking of playing

games

rather than his lessons.

Moreover

,due to

long

Correct article usage

the long

show examples

time playing of virtual

games

however

, would affect negatively

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a pupil 's interaction with their

parents

and friends.

That is

to say

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

since

children

's view television insular will mitigate their relationship with family and neighbourhood. To remedy these problems,

Firstly

,the

parents

can install a

childlock

Correct your spelling

child lock

child-lock

application for toddlers which will infringe them from insular viewing of TV and internet.

Therefore

,a child could focus on other aspects of life.

Furthermore

Change preposition

apply

show examples

developing a sport in youngsters after school would cultivate physical activity,and will support them to divert their

mind

Fix the agreement mistake

minds

show examples

from virtual programs.

In other words

,persuading students in physical activities after an education at school will enhance their mental performance ,and restrict them from

video

games

;

hence

the actions of

parents

and teachers would render an optimistic measure. In conclusion,though the teenagers are indulged in

violence

Add an article

the violence

show examples

of media and playing computer

games

instead

of physical

games

this

issue can be solved by the intervention of

parents

sofware

Correct your spelling

software

application and school management by providing

opportunity

Add an article

an opportunity

the opportunity

show examples

for the students to participate

Change preposition

in an

show examples

evening sport inside the campus.Eventually,contemporary entertainment facilities for

children

could be tackled by improving outdoor

games

and technology on

parents

guide

Fix the agreement mistake

guides

show examples

Submitted by nirmaladec on Thu Sep 02 2021

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

291 words

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