IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people today believe that the world’s increase in population is unsustainable and will eventually lead to a global crisis. Other people believe that world population increase is necessary and beneficial as it creates the growth of the world’s economy and society.

#people #world’s #population #crisis #world #growth #economy #society
Population
Add an article
The population
show examples
 has increased day by day in
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 which creates lots of issues for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
. Some believed that overpopulation damage the bio-cycle of
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 while,
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 tend to deem that it is beneficial in economic prospects. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will discuss both views and give my opinion in conclusion. On the one hand,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
people
 agree that increasing
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 is unnecessary which lead
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
hazardous problem. What I mean
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 it can affect the environment. If
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 flooded with
people
 so it may be brought excessive demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 food and natural resources which are limited.
Hence
, it may
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 biodiversity of eco-cycles and
responsible
Add a missing verb
be responsible
show examples
 for
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
many detrimental problems like deforestation, land destruction and many others.
Moreover
, perpetually growth in
population
 increase the unemployment rate among
people
.
For example
, African countries are suffering from
Correct your spelling
overpopulation
show examples
over
Correct your spelling
overpopulation
show examples
population
that is
 cause unemployment and poverty among
people
.
On the other hand
,
population
 growth is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
beneficial
Replace the word
benefit
show examples
 if we look at it from some aspects. Overcrowding may produce extreme requirements of goods, education, accommodation and
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
many others. Due to that government will have to
implanted
Change the verb
implant
show examples
 many new businesses which bring enormous economic benefits.
Moreover
,
people
 might be invested money in their child’s development and future.
For example
, India is the
second highest
Add a hyphen
second-highest
show examples
 country in
population
 around 1.30 billion so
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 of India built more and more education and accommodation facilities which helps it in
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
. All in all, I believe that
increasing
Replace the word
increases
show examples
 in
population
 has
detrimental
Add an article
a detrimental
show examples
 effect on society as well as on
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
. So to tackle it government should take some measures.
Submitted by mhassam7576 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: