IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many parents are unhappy because of the increasing amount of violence in their children by computer games, TV programs, and other leisure activities. How harmful are these for children? Discuss possible solutions.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, most
parents
Use synonyms
 are stressed about their
children
Use synonyms
 unusual behaviour of violence,
parents
Use synonyms
 think that
this
Linking Words
 is due to the action content showing in
video
Use synonyms
 games and Tv programs are now increasing compared to past decades. These actions are injuries to
children
Use synonyms
. The harmful features and the possible solutions will be discussed in the below paragraphs.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there are many harmful factors by
this
Linking Words
 behaviour of the
children
Use synonyms
 aged below 12 years. It is that
children
Use synonyms
 see action content and replicate them. Toddlers learn things fast than adults, they try to grasp the situation to be the same character.
For example
Linking Words
, my nephew who is around 8 years old has much impact on
video
Use synonyms
 games, He tries to talk as the brawl contestant, and shout in the house. He has a huge impact on these
video
Use synonyms
 games. In a recent, study about
video
Use synonyms
 gamers, many people from the younger age group between 9-18, have been involved in the private game called Pubg,
this
Linking Words
 application has been banned in several countries
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Because people are more stressed about the game rather than their education. In some ,cases there are reports as people fight with each other during
this
Linking Words
 game. To solve
this
Linking Words
 problem, I believe the best way is through
parents
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if they pay attention to their
children
Use synonyms
 hobbies and behaviour. They are the one's who can limit their love towards Television and
video
Use synonyms
 activities. Another possible solution is that government create useful laws regarding
this
Linking Words
 problem .
For example
Linking Words
, To limit the proportion of violence in one's program. So it will be effective to reduce
this
Linking Words
 issue. In conclusion, There is no doubt that violent content is harmful to
children
Use synonyms
's mentality. To solve
this
Linking Words
 issue
parents
Use synonyms
 should pay attention to
children
Use synonyms
 life ,
Moreover
Linking Words
 government should apply strict rules to reduces these actions.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: