IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that young people should be required to do unpaid work helping people in the community. Are disadvantages of this requirement greater than the benefits for the community and individuals?

#people #work #community #requirement #individuals
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It is acknowledged that doing some free work in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 had better
to
Remove the marker
apply
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be demanded from youngsters. While
requirement
Add an article
the requirement
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 of
unpaid
Correct article usage
an unpaid
show examples
 job
bring
Change the verb form
brings
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 some benefits, I
convinced
Add a missing verb
am convinced
show examples
 that it is more likely to have long-term drawbacks for their lives. On the one hand, working freely for public weal appears to have some benefits. It is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 ideal opportunity for young ones to help people, boost their self-esteem, strengthen
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 social network. Helping elderly people via social projects, working as
Add an article
a volunteer
show examples
volunteer
Fix the agreement mistake
volunteers
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 in events cause create
sense
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a sense
show examples
 of being useful. Volunteering allows them to connect to
community
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the community
a community
show examples
 and make it
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 place. Even helping out with the smallest things can make a real
differences
Correct the article-noun agreement
difference
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to
Change preposition
in
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lives
Correct article usage
the lives
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 of people, animals, and
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
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 in need. Despite
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
show examples
 advantages,
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
 of doing some free work in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 are far greater .
Firstly
Linking Words
, young girls and boys are very likely to get demotivated due to unpaid
labor
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labour
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.
Thus
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, they allocate
their
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 most productive and valuable time of their lives for meeting
this
Linking Words
 requirement rather than determining their dream job,
learn
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tolearn
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 live financially independent.
However
Linking Words
, they do not get any payment in return
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 and can not experience
sense
Add an article
a sense
the sense
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 of earning their own money.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is inevitable that younger ages
is
Change the verb form
are
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suitable
Add an article
a suitable
the suitable
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 time for studying, consolidating knowledge on selected fields, discovering new places, expanding world knowledge.
At
Change preposition
As
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the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result of spending energy and time for fulfilling discharged obligations for helping
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
, when it comes
Change preposition
to
show examples
issues relating to self-improvement,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of adolescents can get more exhausted. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there are some upsides of unpaid work , I consider that disadvantages of it are more than advantages.
Submitted by pirelif on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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