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Band 5

Some people think that young people should be required to do unpaid work helping people in the community. Are disadvantages of this requirement greater than the benefits for the community and individuals.

#people #work #community #requirement #individuals
It is acknowledged that doing some free work in favour of the public had better be demanded from youngsters. While the requirement of
unpaid
Correct article usage
an unpaid
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 job
bring
Change the verb form
brings
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 some benefits, I consider that it is more likely to have long-term drawbacks for their lives. On the one hand, working freely for public weal appears to have some benefits. It is an ideal opportunity for young ones to help people, boost their self-esteem, strengthen their social network. Helping elderly people via social projects, working as volunteers in events cause create
sense
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a sense
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 of being useful. Volunteering allows them to connect to
community
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the community
a community
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 and make it
better
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a better
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 place. Even helping out with the smallest things can make real differences in the lives of people, animals, and organizations in need. Despite
above-mentioned
Correct article usage
the above-mentioned
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 advantages, the drawbacks of doing some free work in favour of
public
Correct article usage
the public
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 are far greater .
Firstly
, young girls and boys are very likely to get demotivated due to
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
unpaid
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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.
Thus
, they allocate the most productive and valuable time of their lives for meeting
this
 requirement rather than determining their dream job,
learn
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tolearn
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 live financially independent.
However
, they do not get any payment in return
of
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for
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this
 labour and can not experience a sense of earning their own money.
Moreover
, it is inevitable that younger ages
is
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are
show examples
suitable
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a suitable
the suitable
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 time for studying, consolidating knowledge on selected fields, discovering new places, expanding world knowledge.
At
Change preposition
As
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 result of spending energy and time for fulfilling discharged obligations for helping
community
Add an article
the community
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, when it comes
Change preposition
to
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issues relating to self-improvement,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of adolescents can get more exhausted. In conclusion,
although
 there are some upsides of unpaid work , I consider that disadvantages of it are more than advantages.
Submitted by pirelif on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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