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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think young people should be free to choose his or her job, but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #job #future
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It is an undeniable fact that choosing a
career
 option
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 be an arduous task sometimes.
However
, there are predominantly two contrasting views where a section of society vehemently deems that
one
 should have all the freedom to choose whatever
career
 he wants
while
 others state that
one
 should select a
career
 preciously and carefully. Apparently, various factors make a society of people advocate that
one
 should choose his
career
 independently and they have reasons to substantiate it.
To begin
 with, an individual will be more drawn and passionate towards it since he will be doing the
job
 he loves.
Consequently
, he will put more effort into his work and that
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 eventually make him excel in his workplace. To give an example of
this
, if a person wants to be a doctor and after achieving his dream to be a medical
professionalist
Replace the word
professional
show examples
; he would be able to work more passionately and sincerely towards his
job
.
Moreover
, working towards his passion would ultimately bring a sense of satisfaction and completion to his
life
 as well. Another reason for being in a
job
 that a person likes is that he would be able to push himself
as well as
 his
career
 to an exponential height which would eventually reap the benefits. By doing so, he will become a more successful and renowned personality in his field of work.
On the other hand
 , some believe that
one
 should choose his
career
 more wisely and precautious and they have a myriad of reasons. Chiefly, because choosing a
career
 would definitely bring a handsome salary and a sense of security to him and to his family every month even if sometimes it is out of his taste and
likings
Fix the agreement mistake
liking
show examples
. To illustrate, lots of engineering graduates are suffering from unemployment, if they receive a
job
 in another sector of
Correct article usage
a fields
show examples
fields
Fix the agreement mistake
field
show examples
such
 as marketing or
managing
Replace the word
management
show examples
, accepting that would definitely make their
life
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 and
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 receive ample funds to keep the needs of his and family satisfactory.
Furthermore
, in unfortunate times choosing a practical approach to
life
 would definitely keep people away from mental illnesses
such
 as depression and anxiety.
Therefore
,
one
 should be more realistic about his current situation
while
 choosing a
job
. In my profound opinion,
one
 should follow his passion to its core no matter how hard the situation is because that would bring satisfaction and a sense of achievement to
life
 and obviously
this
 is something a person craves for his entire
life
.
Submitted by shubhambhanot29 on

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task response
Ensure the essay fully addresses all the aspects of the task and provides well-rounded arguments for both sides of the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Consider varying sentence structure and using a range of complex sentences to enhance fluency and coherence. Linking phrases could be smoother; for instance, 'On the other hand , some believe...' could be more seamlessly integrated.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines the debate and sets up the essay well for discussion of both viewpoints.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively reiterates the author's viewpoint and wraps up the essay nicely.
supported main points
The essay provides specific examples to support the points, which strengthens the arguments.
clear comprehensive ideas
The main ideas are clear and comprehensively discussed, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career trajectory
  • job satisfaction
  • employment prospects
  • financial stability
  • job security
  • economically viable
  • harnessing potential
  • labor market
  • vocational guidance
  • real-world demands
What to do next:
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