IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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Nowadays, most
of
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apply
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the
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people
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 advocate that unhealthy products which have a high percentage of
sugar
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 have a negative impact on
people
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health
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.
Thus
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 they believe that if
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these
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this
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 foods raise prices ,
people
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 demands reduce simultaneously. I agree with
this
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 statement with two main reasons which are going to explain in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, many individuals accept that
Sugar
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 causes numerous
health
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 problems that are obesity, cholesterol and diabetes. Most of the experts give precautions about the risk of high-level
sugar
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 using for
people
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 who are keen on
sugar
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.
Moreover
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,
People
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 do not notice the importance of their
health
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 So they come across
health
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 obstacles
,
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when they obtain mindfulness related
harm
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to harm
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 of
sugar
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. Plenty of Countries decided that the price of
sugar
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 products raise and they undertake responsibilities from societies affect.
Similarly
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, some of the states forbid that produce
food
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 and drink categories that contain high levels of
sugar
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.
Secondly
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,
People
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who
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whom
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 parents lose control upon their
children
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 nutrition tendency.
Furthermore
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, it is undeniable that most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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children
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 are addicted to junk
food
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. Regarding
to
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teachers, Nutrition plays a crucial role
on
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in
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the
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apply
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children
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.
In addition
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 to, If they do not get enough vitamins and minerals , they face some of the problems that their cognitive and physical development. To exemplify, many schools in Europe,
they
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apply
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make an itinerary related
food
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 plan and they increase the cost of junk foods in
school
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the school
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 canteen so they force
on
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apply
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children
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 due to
children
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 following
this
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 plan and avoid the tendency of buy junk
food
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. To sum up, plenty of
people
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 admitted that
Sugar
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 is too harmful materials for individuals. Sugary foods prices should increase to encourage individuals to tend to less levels of
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by dynasty_sern on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
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