Nowadays getting a job is becoming harder in poor countries leading to a rise in unemployment. Some people believe that pupils should only be allowed to access primary education while others believe that secondary education is necessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#job #countries #rise #unemployment #people #pupils #access #education

"Knowledge is power". So,

education

plays a vital role in human's life.

However

, the motive behind seeking higher

education

is finding

Change the article

the

show examples

best

job

also

people

should be broad enough to accept the

job

, which comes to their ways when it is needed.

Moreover

, I strongly believe that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

the schools and colleges are not only meant for providing

education

, perhaps, it

also

assist

Change the verb form

assists

show examples

the students to build a strong community.

This

essay will examine the topic in detail with relevant examples in the following paragraphs.

To begin

with, the individual should

understands

Change the verb form

understand

show examples

the purpose of studying. Because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

humans

believes

Change the verb form

believe

show examples

that educational institutions are the ladder for reaching the higher professions. Indeed,

people

are going to universities only for hiring office jobs. It follows that, when they fail to achieve their dream

job

humans

may land up with

emotional

Add an article

the emotional

show examples

disturbance.

This

is because

people

are adding qualifications without understanding the real meaning of it. In short, every person should accept that,

education

are

Change the verb form

show examples

the eyes, to helps

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

humans

to see the real world. To continue with,

people

are jobless because of their inferiority complex. To repeat, everyone wants to hold professional jobs, without understanding the exact fact that, workers in all the fields are equally important to build

beautiful

Correct article usage

a beautiful

show examples

society. To address

this

issue, the government should provide the same

importants

Correct your spelling

importance

important

to both the vocational and professional subjects.

Moreover

people

should be prepared themselves to accept any

job

to feed their family irrespective of their qualifications. All in all, it is

humans

hands to decide whether should be a

job

holder or not. To conclude,

education

is mandatory

Change preposition

for

show examples

everyone to lead a

stress free

Add a hyphen

stress-free

show examples

life in the competitive globe. So, I neither agree nor disagree with the point of leaving the school after primary or secondary

education

. It is the individual's choice to study. But, everyone should seek

atleast

Correct your spelling

at least

basic qualifications to have a healthy life.

Submitted by divyahemakumar2017 on Tue Sep 07 2021

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

316 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays getting a job is becoming harder in poor countries leading to a rise in unemployment. Some people believe that pupils should only be allowed to access primary education while others believe that secondary education is necessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Some people consider prices as most important thing to think about when buying product (such as cell phone) or service (eg. medical treatment). Do you agree or disagree

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In companies promotions to high positions should be given to employees inside the company , not to someone from outsiders or new hiring. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animals. Is it justified or there is any alternative? To what extent do you agree or diagree?

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decided to do this.