IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that females shouldn’t allow in the military force whereas some think that they should give them chance. So what extent do you agree or disagree.

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Some individuals opine that
women
Use synonyms
 ought not to have a role in the army
force
Use synonyms
, whereas others believe differently that females are supposed to be in the military
force
Use synonyms
. From my perspective, I oppose
to
Change preposition
apply
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the
first
Linking Words
 statement,
therefore
Linking Words
 the reasons will be illustrated in the following paragraph.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
women
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 century are superior in many aspects. They are more than capable in a variety of fields,
such
Linking Words
 as sports, cooking, education, and even
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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military service. As the world has opened to accept
women
Use synonyms
’s abilities,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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job opportunities should be equalized too.
For instance
Linking Words
, during the World War era, no females could encounter
with
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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men’s
matter
Fix the agreement mistake
matters
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, in the war field between the Nazi and Russian’s red army,
women
Use synonyms
 were willing to give their lives to their motherland and fighting till their
last
Linking Words
 breath. Despite the short-term training and knowing they would eventually die, they fought with no fears just as men. For
this
Linking Words
 matter, we should appreciate how brave the
women
Use synonyms
 were.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there are tons of jobs
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 can be a part of despite being
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 real army. In terms of technologies, it is crucial that the military
force
Use synonyms
 must have advanced skilled workers who will protect the
force
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
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first
Linking Words
 hand.
For example
Linking Words
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
WWII, the allies had the most up to date weapons against the axis which brought victory to them in the end. As
being
Change the form of the verb
is
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 showed in some documentaries, in the post-war years,
women
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 were the remained human resources in each country because of that the public started to recognized the capabilities of females’
intellectual
Replace the word
intellect
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 should be praised and offered the exact opportunities as men. To conclude, everyone despites
genders
Fix the agreement mistake
gender
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,
races
Fix the agreement mistake
race
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, age should be giving the same treatment in all aspects, even in the military
force
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, females are intelligent, thoughtful, and capable enough to involve in their nation’s
force
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.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • military force
  • career path
  • competence
  • diverse perspectives
  • problem-solving
  • decision-making
  • physical standards
  • rigorous training
  • historical contributions
  • modern warfare
  • technological expertise
  • cyber skills
  • integration issues
  • sensitivity training
  • anti-discrimination policies
  • support systems
  • combat roles
  • positive outcomes
  • adaptable force
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