IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that managers alone should make decisions in the company, while others employees should be involved in the decision making process too. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #managers #decisions #company #employees #decision #process
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, the success of organisations depend upon the effort of all the team members. There is
contentious
Add an article
a contentious
show examples
 discussion going over the issue of whether
Use synonyms
decision
Add an article
the decision
a decision
show examples
 should
be make
Change the verb form
be made
show examples
 by the supervisor alone. While
other claim
Change the wording
another claim
other claims
show examples
 that all the workforce should be involved in the commitment process
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
 In the forthcoming paragraphs, I will elucidate both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views with the relevant illustrations. and followed by my own perspective. To commence with, the benefits of involving colleagues are myriad.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost, if all the team would participate in
Use synonyms
Add an article
the decision
show examples
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
 process, all the consequences regarding the project would be noticed owing to the knowledge of all the members.
For instance
Linking Words
, when one person
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
Use synonyms
decision
Add an article
a decision
the decision
show examples
, there might be
chance
Add an article
a chance
the chance
show examples
 to miss significant factor which definitely
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 the outcome.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, sometimes
decision
Use synonyms
 directly affect the livelihood of the workers.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 could be eliminated by involving them. On the other side, others claim that
manager
Fix the agreement mistake
managers
show examples
 are the only
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 who should be responsible for all decisions. As they are equipped with years of experience and knowledge which directly contributes
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the success of any firm. To explicate, sometimes in a company
decision
Use synonyms
 has to
be make
Change the verb form
be made
show examples
 immediately, like my maternal uncle who is a supervisor in a multinational company, had to make a commitment prior to the sudden change of the project and it turned out to be a huge success.
Thus
Linking Words
, managers have proficient knowledge about management skills. To sum it up, I would say that supervisors should involve
Add an article
the employee
show examples
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 in every
decision
Use synonyms
 because through
this
Linking Words
 approach they will
also
Linking Words
 learn skills which will help them in their future as well.
However
Linking Words
, In situations where
manager
Add an article
the manager
a manager
show examples
 has no choice should have the ability to make
Use synonyms
decision
Add an article
a decision
the decision
show examples
 independently.
Submitted by ak8531526 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: