IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are marries or single. some people say this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Job
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 seekers are eventually asked to feed in their personal details by the prospective employers at the time when they are filling in the
job
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 application.
This
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 is considered
as
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
essential
Add an article
an essential
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 and needful piece of
information
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 by some
people
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, whereas others opine
this
Linking Words
 as irrelevant.
This
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 can be considered differently from
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 perspective of
group
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a group
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 of
people
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. I actually
regards
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regard
show examples
this
Linking Words
 to be useful from my point of view and I would back up my statement in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
Linking Words
, It helps the employers to screen the candidate from the pool of
job
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 applicants. When a
person
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apply
Change the verb form
applies
show examples
 for a
job
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, there are certain specifics
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 an organisation may be keen
into
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on
show examples
 before employing that
person
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.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Married
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a Married
the Married
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person
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 may not be suitable for doing
night
Correct article usage
the night
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 shift as
this
Linking Words
 would alter their family wellbeing.
Secondly
Linking Words
, Certain jobs require
passion
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a passion
show examples
for
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apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. These peculiar likes and dislikes of a
person
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differentiates
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differentiate
show examples
 them from others.
For example
Linking Words
, If a
job
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 seeker
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a keen interest in arts and crafts they will be well suited for
creative
Correct article usage
the creative
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job
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 field, as they have passion for it.
Similarly
Linking Words
, Organisations keep a track record of every employee that they employ, which requires their personal
information
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 to be disclosed.
However
Linking Words
, there are certain
people
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 who
views
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view
show examples
 that it
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 not essential. They consider it as
breach
Add an article
a breach
show examples
 of their privacy, which most of them do not want to disclose. For saying, some folks do not want to disclose their marital status.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
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 they consider that sharing personal
information
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 has nothing to do with matching
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
person
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 with a
job
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 role. As
this
Linking Words
 could never help a firm to determine their
caliber
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calibre
show examples
. To conclude,
this
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 is a perspective based
choices
Fix the agreement mistake
choice
show examples
. Some find it
offending
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offensive
show examples
, stating their own reasonable judgement but some view it as
perfectly
Add an article
a perfectly
the perfectly
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 natural process of
record keeping
Add a hyphen
record-keeping
show examples
 or track recording details of a
person
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. I completely support the latter group of
people
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 and would stand by sharing personal
information
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to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the employer, as it does not harm me in
anyway
Replace the word
any way
show examples
.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • job application
  • personal information
  • hobbies and interests
  • marital status
  • relevant
  • useful
  • privacy
  • assessing candidates
  • qualifications
  • experience
What to do next:
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